Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Dearest God,

A few people have expressed interest in joining me at Christ in the Desert Monastery. I have decided to return to the place that literally knocked my socks off two years ago. I had faced fear before but being trapped on that mountain with no way to get down was terrifying. Especially in the setting where time is to be spent in silence, contemplation and reflection.

My first great challenge was getting up the mountain by the 13 mile dirt road. One lane. No rails. A few pot holes. That was scary enough. Especially as you drive up. It looks like you will just drive off the side.

The second was learning that my daughter had to take the rental car to return to the airport, leaving me stranded. When Brother Andre told me they offered no services to get me off the mountain and that I had to pray for an angel to retrieve me, my heart nearly beat out of my chest. With no phone that I could use to get help, I felt so frightened, so full of fear that I was convinced that I could die up there.

After I walked back to the guesthouse, the warm tears surfaced, a lot of them. I prayed so hard, remember? I asked for an angel, with no idea how one might appear, then be willing to drive me to Sante Fe. I still cried, not without hope, but with a mystifying wonder how I might end up. As I prayed an amen, the answer came to me. Surrender. And trust. I drew in a breath and suddenly I was flooded with a peace from on high. A beautiful, quiet rush of calm filled my soul. I realized you had me right where you wanted me to be.

That was the beginning of my renewal. Now, two years later I carry that experience deeply embedded in my soul. A turning point. A pivotal moment. It set the stage for everything that happened after that.

I plan to return. Not for the same experience. Been there. Done that. Ever since I left there I have felt drawn back. For what? I have no idea. The setting is perfect for contemplation. You have a plan for my return.

In the midst
of daily life experiences,
I hear your call
to return.
What does it mean?
What new vista
awaits me?
What new challenges?
Insights? Revelations?
Trust in you
lures me
into greater adventures
with you.
This partnership,
our relationship,
so incredibly unequally yoked,
fills me
with so much joy.
May I learn
to be patient,
waiting,
leaning forward in love
trusting.
Glorious God,
hold my hand.

Loving you always, Andrea