Friday, September 7, 2007

My dear God,

I sweat too much today. My endocrine levels have been off for about six weeks. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. But there is no easy solution to the ongoing problem. The doctor regularly reminds me how difficult it all is to regulate. I sweat too much on Tuesday too and spent the day mostly in bed on Wednesday. Tonight my breathing seemed to take a great deal of energy. I felt like my systems were shutting down. I thought about going to the hospital, but then I did not want to frighten my granddaughter who was staying with me. I prayed and decided to sleep. If I got into trouble I knew I could call an ambulance. I made the best decision because I slept 11 hours. I felt better. My body had some time to restore itself.

These fragile, vulnerable times are scary to me sometimes. I am getting pretty good at reading my own body signs. I used to ignore them, but not anymore. My life depends on it. And I am keenly aware that this body is the only one assigned to me. So I want to care for it the best I can.

I realize during such times just how precious life really is. The ability to think, eat, walk, speak, breathe, and live normally are all gifts. Some people don't get these gifts. To take them for granted is to act stupidly.

I am grateful for moments of trust, of courage and faith. I have to rely on what I know of you. I need to lean forward, finding your presence and your peace. The serenity that comes is another gift, one that holds me over until the crisis passes, resolving itself.

I used to operate without much sleep, going until I couldn't go anymore. Now I recognize and celebrate the opportunity to go to bed early and rest even before going to sleep at bedtime. My Sundays are usually spent in bed resting my body for the week ahead. I am grateful for a comfortable bed and the quiet tranquility of my home.

I realize again and again how vital my faith is to my well being. My trust in you continues to grow as I draw close time and again. I look to you for strength, for guidance and direction. I always find a modicum of hope and joy. Life without you would have no purpose whatsoever.

And so I remain thankful once again.

You are
my hope,
my refuge
and strength,
truly
a present help
in time of trouble.
I rely
on your word,
spoken and unspoken.
I close my eyes
and lean
toward you.
I am not alone,
for I remain
in your company.
Guide me,
Great One,
show me
the way.
Thank you
for your most
loving care.

Love always, Andrea