Sunday, June 22, 2008

Dearest God,

I began to feel anxious about where I would stay in Abiquiu. A fragile health condition bars me from staying with my friends on the mountain. I've already been sick once but I was able to keep from becoming sicker and having to make my way to the hospital.

Heat wilts me. It robs me of energy. My body just can't maintain itself in heat although I try to do everything I can to keep it in balance. I can't keep up.

With weather forecasts promising high 80's and low 90's weather, I can't make my trek to the mountain to stay for five glorious days of silence. Instead I am being reminded of my own limitations. Today I honored those as I prayed for an answer.

Last night one of the retreat participants took charge when I asked her for more information about the area near the monastery. Before I knew it she had called her brother asking him questions since he lives there. She had called a place and I had reservations for four nights. Just like that. In ten minutes it was all taken care of. And she told me places where I could visit for a quiet time, places that had air conditioning. A lavender farm, gardens, an art exhibit, a chapel, places I could pilgrim to in the early morning and later evening in the cool part of the day and places to go in the heat of the day. With numbers of her brother, her father, and her own cell phone I no longer have to worry about where I will be safe from the scorching heat.

Who can expect God to provide in every situation? You are always nearby, Gracious God and through my surroundings you speak a word of hope and provision. I do not know what lay ahead for me. Perhaps this was in your design all along. Perhaps I am to deliver my flock to the mountain with a prayer, stay the cool night, then in prayer leave them behind. I am sure you have a work to do in them. Perhaps I am not supposed to be with them although it is the desire of my heart.

Learning to change, to trust you to alter my plans, to lead me in a different direction is ever before me. I may think I have everything under control but then I am told I do not. My ability to follow, to take a different turn is a sign of my faith in you. Who can I trust as much? No one. My heart is quiet now, no longer worried or anxious. My soul is still open to your plan, my Beloved. Lead me and I will follow.

Love, Andrea