Monday, July 28, 2008

Dearest God,

Patience and a willingness to listen, follow, remain focused and hopeful was the game plan you laid out for me just trying to get to my east coast home. Three delays on Sunday sent me home to rest. A delay on Monday morning coupled with getting sick sent me back to bed with a canceled reservation. A new reservation a little later was hopeful until I got there and had no seat on the plane. Someone would have to volunteer to give up a seat, the flight employee had told me. I had asked on the phone if they were overbooked and they assured me they were not. I prayed, then looked around, knowing that you knew the needs of each person. If someone else needs the seat more than me, then do what is necessary for them, I heard myself say in my own mind. Twenty or thirty minutes later the employee smiled and handed me a ticket. For me it's always sweeter to receive something back after I've already given it away. You are incredibly generous, O God. I got to Washington, DC, but missed my connecting flight due to our delay. Got another flight two hours later. And when I finally touched down in Portland, I discovered my luggage was not on board. As I stood in the lost luggage office, I noticed a bag behind the counter. I stepped behind and claimed it. Apparently it had made the first flight while I had not. Upon arriving home, I fell into bed.

I am slowly learning at your feet that life is not predictable, nor is it centered around me. My wishes and desires, hopes and dreams are not always yours and certainly not the hope and dream of others. My ability to "go with the flow" is rather a deep trust in you. Anger, resentment, and judgement get me nowhere. Disappointment leads me to you, teaches me that my life is only a tiny speck in the great cosmos and my capacity to cling to you during times of confusion and frustration will offer me a kind of sweetness in life. The employee's smile while she handed me the ticket was an unexpected surprise. It was your smile that I saw.

Oftentimes I am not able or willing to be patient, to lean in, to take the longer route to my destination in life. But yesterday's and today's fiasco was yet another moment of learning how to trust you, to hold steady, remain calm, and even to offer encouragement to others whose job it is to keep passengers happy (or at least less volatile). I found joy even while I was extremely exhausted. I am grateful to you.

Sweet Jesus,
trusting you
is all
that really matters.
My ability
to allow you
to handle
the crises
in my life
teaches me
patience,
fortitude,
and gratitude.
As I patiently
place my hand
in yours,
I feel
the flesh
of the divine
and I know
I am safe
and sound
in your hands.
I have
so much
to learn.
Teach me,
sweet Lord,
teach me.

Love, Andrea