Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Dear God,

"Silent Night, Holy Night" has already come to me. I've listened to it sung by several musicians already and when it plays I hear the sounds of holiness, of truth and love, of faith. Something is happening inside me.

I'm always ready for this wondrous season. Although I haven't done all the typical shopping, planning, preparing, cooking and all, I sense that what is happening is far more important than all these. I have come to the conclusion that I need the season more than it needs me. I need a deep cleansing, a purifying of heart, a deepening of trust, I need the Christ.

Perhaps I am more needy than most. Perchance I have a greater desire to meet you. Maybe I just need to cling to a love that is eternal, not one that fades with the cold winds of change. I'm like a child in need of a Father.

I listen to the sounds of Christmas as a way to prepare myself for your coming. I light my candles reminding me that the one true light is the light of the world Jesus. I light up my tree first thing in the morning because I need to see the tiny flecks of light against the darkness. I need to be reminded that light shines somewhere all the time. There is no great void where light is not. I cling to that hope.

I have so much to learn from Advent and Christmas. Preparation of the heart, mind, soul and spirit. Receiving the gift of a Savior who helps move me through dark times. Faith coming in a prayer, the simple lighting of a candle, the songs of Christmas who retell again and again the wondrous story of your presence in the cosmos.

In so many ways I am a babe in faith. I crawl to you wanting your guidance, your fellowship. I cry out to you when I am confused, mixed up, not sure where to turn next. I lean on you realizing that alone I can be afraid, sad and overwhelmed. I know that you are the one true source of hope and I come to you freely realizing that my life is not all it should or could be. I do not have all the answers or even all the questions I need to ask. What I do know is Emmanuel, God-with-us who translates to God-with-me in times of difficulty. I take great comfort in you.

O God of Love
and Compassion,
I turn
to you
for hope,
for life
and faith,
for trust
and assurance.
I want
to walk
each day
in the light.
But like
my ancient brothers
and sisters,
I spend
far too much time
in the darkness
wandering.
Sometimes
I live
the life
of a survivalist
rather than
a true pilgrim.
I want
a changed heart.
May I
exchange mine
for yours?

Love, Andrea