Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Dearest God,

Over the course of my lifetime I have felt the pinch of compromise. The challenge to consider another way over my own has at times felt threatening, especially in terms of relationships. The question would always come: How much do I give away in order to gain approval of someone else?

During the stressful trauma of one of the most painful, difficult times of my life, with a death grip I held on to my beliefs, my way of doing things, my sense of how things were. I thought if I loosened my grip, I would lose my footing, stumble and fall. In such low estate, I believed I would totally lose myself and then where would I be? I realized that the other person in one way or another felt the same way. Where it led was nowhere, a stalemate, two fearful, stubborn persons trapped in their own murky conditions.

But then you called out. Even as I heard your call to shift, to alter my position, I felt a sting. How much do I give away until there is nothing left of me? As you gently took hold of me, you reminded me that there is more to me than me. The power to love, to change, to forgive, to move, to surrender, to take hold is yours. I do not operate under my own power. Yes, you have given me the ability to think, to discern, to rationalize, and to choose; yet, you have also proven to me, revealed to me a divine power that shakes things up, settles them down, and provides a new look, a differing perspective. In those moments you teach me how to peel back the fingers of my grip, how to take a deep breath, how to consider other options and how to trust you to guide me toward a better decision. What seemed impossible before becomes a possibility.

Today my husband and I picked out new carpet for two rooms of our home. As we considered the numerous samples that lay before us, we found things we liked, not always agreeing. However, as we each shared what we liked and why, we listened and within minutes we made our selections. The little exercise was a good one as I learned again that compromise can be sweet.

What do I get if I always get my way? I get my way. But so what? What is the value of my way? What is it worth to me? If I pile up all the times I get my way, I will only have a pile of my own way. As I reflect upon the absurdity of always getting my way, I realize what I will miss, how much I will fail to see. The world will become dull, boring, without life.

One of the life lessons you have taught me is compromise. You have shown me the great value of seeing through a different lens. You have pointed out colors that I did not see before. You have revealed pieces about which I was not aware. You have opened my ears to hear more than I was able to before. As these gifts came to me, you breathed into me the ability, the skill of letting go, releasing my will and way for a better way and suddenly a new world opened up before me.

Who wields
the power
of transformation?
Only you,
my God,
only you.
You reveal
so much
to us,
Great and Wondrous God;
you teach us
lessons so valuable
they are
surely priceless,
invaluable.
Thank you
for compromise,
for its sweetness.

Love, Andrea