Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Dearest God,

How in the world will I ever learn to fully listen to my body when the symptoms of illness begin to appear? When will I automatically shut down my activities to focus on the parts of my being that need embracing? When will I more readily trust you to guide me?

A long time ago when I was a child, you opened my heart to eternity's spirit. You revealed your grace-filled presence and I wandered into your arms. Today I still live out of that spirit but I do not swiftly change my behavior when your call comes to me. I am stubborn, reluctant when asked to shift my attention elsewhere.

And so today I wound up spending the day in bed with a full-fledged cold and flu. I rested because I couldn't do anything else. My body was worn from weeks of renovation, making Christmas gifts, celebrating Advent with six grandchildren for a whole weekend, organizing, sorting and cleaning the attic, garage, basement and a closet, designing and running 200 Christmas cards one at a time twice from two different software programs, filling Christmas bags, shopping, and preparing and orchestrating a beautiful Christmas day with my family. What did I expect, crazy as I am?

I often learn my life lessons slowly. Although I begin each day with a prayer as I awaken from sleep, I do not wait for your voice, listen for your words to me, or quiet myself long enough to dwell with you. I start my day with a one-way conversation. How foolish of me! I have so much to learn and less time to learn it than the years behind me.

What shall
you do
with me,
dear Lord?
Although sometimes
I am
obstinate and unyielding,
show me
your way...
...again.
Teach me
the joy
of humility
and obedience.

Love, Andrea