Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Dear God,

In the last few days you have shown me that an open heart, an open mind, and an open soul can create fertile soil for learning, hoping, and experiencing life. Openness allows for infinite possibilities.

On the other hand, closed hearts, minds, and souls shut the door to whatever. Closing the door means I don't trust. I don't believe in a renewing power to make life good. I am not willing to change. I stop the flow of what life is meant to be. Closed simply means closed. I am stuck with myself the way I am, trapped by circumstance and choice.

Throughout my lifetime I have lived in both camps. I have closed myself off from life. When I place myself in a tiny box, it is dark, hopeless, sad, and tight. I feel like I am suffocating, getting smaller, and I begin regurgitating my problems again and again. I am unhappy and locked into whatever emotions I allow myself to possess inside like blame and judgement, disappointment, anger, sorrow and despair. The walls drip with self pity, hopelessness, and condemnation. Who can possibly heal in that kind of wasteland?

The other camp is so much better. As I open myself to you, I am enabled to once again see the light of day. I can feel the gentle breeze of your spirit. I can breathe easier. Because I am no longer bound, I am free to move about, to try new things, and to surrender, to let go of decaying beliefs, attitudes, and past choices that held me. I can trust you to help me trust me and others. The landscape looks different when I step outside my cave.

As I have explored my open world, I have seen the riches I have gained. Now, joy has a hold on me. I can laugh easily. Peace is a river inside my soul. Faith has a chance to leap tall, scary mountains, to maintain during life storms, and to pass through desolate valleys. I am equipped to explore new lands, to go on spiritual adventures, and to be creative. Life is good even when it is difficult.

Open me daily
to your
wondrous grace,
O God;
teach me
to utterly
trust you.
Motivate me
to discard
the tiny boxes
that I
sometimes choose
to enter
because I
don't trust enough.
Let your light
perpetually shine
upon me
so that
even when
I walk
through the
valley of death,
I will
not fear
the darkness
but turn
to see you.
Keep me open
to you, Lord,
and to all
your will
for me,
I pray.

Love, Andrea