Saturday, February 4, 2012

Dear God,

I have learned that it is better to meet you first rather than second, third, fourth, or even later.  When I get up in the morning, go to the bathroom, take my medicine, and then come to you when writing my letter, I move easily into your presence considering the many ways you have entered my life on any given day.  On the other hand when I choose to read the paper, think about work that needs to be done, fold clothes, empty the dishwasher or do other chores, my mind gets scattered.  I am quickly distracted. It is then more difficult to allow my mind to freely wander discovering the many blessings you have afforded me and then write my daily letter to you.  I confess that today I did several things first.

At times I am not very disciplined.  It is not that I forget but rather that I choose something else.  I fail to make you first.  I choose to make you wait for my attention and my affection.  Oh my goodness, I don't even like hearing myself say those words.  I make you wait...why do I do this?

I have a habit that is hard to break.  I operate from a belief that I need to do my work before I can play or do what I really want to do.  I learned this and adopted this practice as a young child and I never changed it.  At that point I was a dutiful child but now as a 65 year old adult I am often driven by this same belief.  I don't give myself much room for play.

My favorite thing to do is spend time with you.  I love to sit with you, dance, play with ideas, laugh, count my blessings, or take spiritual walks where I learn more about the world. love, faith, hope and more.  I love getting excited about what you offer like music that transports me into the heavenlies or visions that enable me to grow or an idea for a retreat or a new insight that deepens my faith. Yet, too frequently I choose to spend my time elsewhere.  I often fail.  I failed today.  I'm sorry.

Lead me
to new truths,
Compassionate God;
show me
the way.
When I
am tempted
to give away
my time
with you,
ring a bell,
send a message,
hit me
with a
lightning bolt,
(please be gentle)
or challenge me
in a way
that brings
me home.
Thank you
for understanding.

Love, Andrea