Friday, October 13, 2006

Dearest God,

Linda and I worked on my video until 2:00 a.m. this morning. I was too tired to drive home. With just six hours before I had to get my car into the shop, I slept for four hours then got up and started the 45 minute journey home.

Sleepy tired I slipped the Be Still and Know CD into the disk player. The moment the melodious sound played, I felt a gentle beauty ascending in my heart. With the dawn's rising in heavy traffic, I felt the loving presence of God, filling me with joy. I sensed the awesomeness of God so loving that words escaped me to describe my feelings, my thoughts of gratefulness.

"As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs after you. You alone are my heart's desire, and I long to worship you. You alone are my strength, my shield; to you alone may my spirit yield..." My heartfelt desire, the words were forming, sharing the deepest secrets of my soul. The instruments played their notes, deliberately honoring the God who shaped them.

Tears filled my eyes, "How blessed I am, Lord, how blessed I am." Brief moments of remembrance of God's hand in my life through cancer, divorce, heartache and loss, the blessedness of that presence that refused to let me go. I thought of my renewal, my own spirit's renewing and the joy of the gifts I have received from God's own hand.

"Open my eyes that I may see glimpses of truth..." the music played on. I sang, imagining myself dressed in white, dancing at the altar, my body singing its praise to God. Free, dancing freely, spontaneously, worshipping with my whole being in solitude with the God of all Creation.

My prayers lifted to the heavens as the sun rose confidently in the sky. Peace filled the car, the calm of heaven that comes when one of God's creatures grasps the utter grace that life is.

"Alleluia...Alleluia...Lord, we praise you...Lord, we praise you...You are worthy...you are worthy...," the song rang out. The throng of angels and saints joined in the chorus. Together we were lifting our voices to the cosmos in praise. I am full, so full, dear God.

"Sing alleluia to the Lord," we continued, one great blend of voices singing, hoping, praying from the heart. This is glory, the glory of the Lord. Cars passed by, rushing to work as I offered my praise, rejoicing in the Lord. So full of thanksgiving. Some day when I am passing from this world, I want to be singing alleluias to God.

"Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way. Thou art the potter; I am the clay..." Let the molding begin, Master Potter, take the clay of my life, shape it, remake it, make me what you will.

There were no words to the songs, only instruments, the words came together rising up to God. I sang my hopes and dreams to Ruler of the Universe. "In my life, Lord, be glorified today."

An unexpected moment of praise
opened my eyes to the majesty of God.
Perhaps lack of sleep
left an opening in my soul,
allowing my love
to seep out and upward.
Holy moments
such as these
erupt into grace offerings
from your children.
We cannot help ourselves.
We are yours;
you have established our partnership
and your spirit feeds the well
that leads to praise.
Together,
we were a spiritual union
this morning.
I could not find the line
of where You began
and I entered;
we were one.
My voice singing praise
was your own
singing out its loveliness
into the universe
for all the world
to hear.
Fill me with constant praise...
for You.

Forever yours, Andrea