Sunday, November 5, 2006

Dear God,

In the dark wee hours of the morning I woke up feeling so dizzy. The room was spinning and I didn't even want to turn on the light. I felt sick at my stomach, weak and very tired. Yuck!

But I did what I always do very early on Sunday morning. I went over my sermon in my mind. All week long I carry the theme in my heart and mind. I am open to any idea that emerges as a point or illustration in the message. Then on Saturday I re-read the scripture, write down what comes to my mind. Only then after I have written down all my own ideas (or God's) do I read what the commentaries have to say on the subject. (My preaching professor would be proud)
That's when I write everything down.

Then I begin to think of a flow, what comes first, second...and the ending. I put shape to it, then I go to sleep, open to anything more that God may choose to bring to mind. In the morning while I remain warm in my bed as I awaken, I mentally go through the sermon. Then I get up and rewrite it. As I drive to church I give my sermon in the car. Holding the message in my mind can be pretty tricky. Yet, by the time I give it I will have practiced it twice already.

Although I wasn't feeling well, I went through my usual process, but with my eyes closed since the dizziness seemed a bit better when I didn't have to watch the room go round. I called a friend to ask for a ride, then in her car I went through the sermon one last time. I did take my notes to remind me in the event I felt too sick to remember.

As God would have it (or by God's grace as they say in Africa) I was able to give the sermon. I felt God's strength helping me, (although I did have visions of being warm in my bed, sleeping off the crud) I was grateful.

At times when I feel out of control, sick, unable to do what I need to do, I have to trust in God. I have no other resource. I sit at his feet and am quiet. I don't have to pour out my story. God already knows it. But the sitting before God helps me share with God my trust in his providential care. I lean on God for guidance. And God never fails me. Sometimes I fail myself, but God never deserts me in my trial.

Life is fraught with fragile moments. And when they come, I can feel out of sorts, not quite sure what to do or how to do it. But the fragility of the moment becomes a case in trust. What do I do when I am right in the middle of a fragile situation? Who do I turn to? How do I act? There is only one place to turn. And that is to God. God knows the situation is developing long before I know it. When I reach out for help, God is already present with gentle, loving guidance. Why? Because God loves every child, regardless of the situation. The most dire situation is always a time for God to love his child, no matter how vile the person may be. God still loves his child. God may be the only one. There is no truth that I cling to more than this.

I held onto God's hand this morning and throughout the day. With Harold preaching in northern Indiana, God and I spent time alone (except for the two silly movies I watched). How beautiful to know that while God and I were together, God was still with the other many billions of people on the planet and with all the unknown creatures and planets in the cosmos. Brilliant!

I like holding your hand.
There is no hand
better to hold onto
than yours.
The theory of a God
who creates,
then abandons
the creatures of God's own making
doesn't stand up to the test.
There is a relationship
of import,
of great value.
One can know God
if one is as willing
to know God
as we are to others.
The difference
is that God is more readily available
than others.
Morning, noon or night,
God is present,
conversing with God's own child.
I like that very much.

I remain very grateful, Andrea