Saturday, October 28, 2006

My dearest God,

This morning I packed my sacred dance clothing into a bag. I helped my five and six year old granddaughters get dressed, then the three of us left for the church. Today is the day I complete the video of my renewal. I will dance in the chancel, before the altar. My gratitude to God for the gracious gift of a renewal leave grant.

As we moved the furniture from the area, I began to feel a little nervous. How would I dance? Would I be free as I danced before God? Anxious? Afraid? I had purposefully decided not to choreograph the dance. This would be my offering to God and there are no rehearsals for an offering. It is a simple gift from the heart, coming from deep down in the soul. How would I feel?

When the chairs, lectern and pulpit were moved, I took my place, a few paces from the steps leading to the altar. I had planned this time when no one would be at the church except my videographer and two granddaughters who "wanted to watch Grandma dance." Just as I was getting ready, I heard two women talking. Wanting to practice their handbells, they thought the way I did. No one around. I felt awkward standing there dressed in white. But they were generous and went to the choir room where they would hold off their practice while I danced, assuring us that there would be no sound except for the song "As the deer" played.

Again I moved to the chancel area. I took some deep cleansing breaths and prayed. Then I asked the videographer to play the song once through for me so I could allow the music to enter my soul, thereby preparing me to move when I was ready. When I heard the first notes, my soul opened wide, drinking in the spirit music. Tears filled my eyes as I felt such love for God. When the song ended, I drew in a breath, then offered myself to God. In a few moments I gave a cue to play the music.

Linda took a still shot of me, then started the music. And I began to move. Peace lead me to lift my arms, my praise to God. I was light as a feather. I felt no hindrances, no obstacles. I was so ready to dance for my God, to say thank you for blessing my life in so many ways. I felt such joy, such openness. I turned and twirled, lifting my arms again and again. Ceremonially stepping up to the altar, I felt more free than I have ever felt in my life. I moved flawlessly, my every gesture fluid and filled with purpose, to love my Creator. I was so at one with God. I felt as if I was already in heaven dancing with God and the saints. Every fibre of my being was joy filled. And as the music was coming to an end, I took steps to bow, to kneel before the altar, to raise my arms slowly, reverently to honor my Lord.

I walked slowly to the back of the sanctuary, still feeling the music in my soul, the love in my heart. Linda replayed the dance and I saw myself, my act of devotion. And this time the tears streamed down my face. I had done what I had come to do. And I was beautiful as I danced, not because I was arrogant but because when a person makes an offering to God, there is a beauty, a spiritual beauty that shines through and I could see it in me.

Magnificent God,
I have never loved you more
than today.
I felt my heart swell with joy,
gratitude that comes deep from within.
I wanted to give you my gift.
I did not worry
that I was 60
and gray.
Our time together
knew no bounds.
Love was present,
pure, unadulterated love.
Mystery,
sacred mystery
unfolded.
I could never
have choreographed my dance
and offered
what I wanted to give.
My dance was about trust,
trust in God to move me
in ways of the Divine.
And oh,
how I felt it.
Your hands sculpting
my every move.
Ecstacy.

My love overflows, Andrea