Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Dearest God,

A few months ago my doctor told me to lose weight. I had already started changing my lifestyle, eating healthy, eating less, drinking more water, exercising. After a year I have lost 20 pounds. I am hovering at 150. I can't quite seem to move beneath it. I'm not troubled. I am just excited to move beyond it, to touch the 140's after nearly 20 years.

I am healthier. My blood pressure has dropped significantly. My body seems to have calmed down, absorbing medications that have worked with me to restore the delicate balances required for daily living. I am feeling pretty good.

I gave up the diet thing a long time ago. Diets don't work; they're a temporary fix that makes you feel good for a while and terrible when you fail. Diets seduce you into thinking you can trick your body into making yourself thin. But slowly the pounds return, emotionally wreaking havoc.

It's an extremely difficult thing to change your life. Patterns, both good and bad, are hard to alter. Habits are those things we do regularly. They are ingrained like our blood vessels and they tell us to leave them alone, thank you.

But life is all about change. We are constantly adapting to our environment. I used to play 33 1/3 RPM records, now I play CD's. I used to write letters by hand; now I use computers. My life has been changed by various appliances, medical procedures, and scientific advances.

But when I really think about change, I think of the change-maker, the One who guides me through change, who holds my hand, encourages me, walks with me. The One who tells me what is good to change, the One who points out my areas needing change, then gives me remedies and promises to help me.

Real change is transformation, a work of God. There are some things so woven into the fabric of my being that I can't see the possiblity of change. Yet, God illumines the pathway to change for me, showing me the potential. And when I am ready, God is willing to receive the broken record, the hurt place, the nasty disposition, and the old way. God gives me a new way of being. And when I am able to shed that which needed changing, I feel more refreshed than ever. A lightened load or burden, a freedom that causes my soul to soar. Ridding myself of the past whatever, gives me a new chance at life. And I'm better to all those around me. A new self can discover a truly new day, options, choices, beauty in the making. All because God helped me, lead me, directed me. I am transformed by God. I can't make the leap of change by myself. But God builds a bridge for me, thus allowing me to cross over into the promised land. I find joy in the landscape made new for me.

I need change,
O Lord.
You know that better than I.
Help me live each day,
seeing myself through your eyes.
When a change is required,
help me to be a willing subject.
One who lets go,
jumps in or out,
and shouts, "whee!"
Let my will
become putty in your hands.
I want to be reshaped and remoulded
as you see fit.
I want to be clay
in the potter's hands.
I want to let go of my resistance,
and be willing to be made new.
The process of change
is hard for me,
but not for you.
Mould me,
make me,
into a vessel for you.

Love, Andrea