Thursday, January 18, 2007

Dear God,

Well, the news is out! I am soon to be a grandmother of 22 grandchildren. My youngest daughter is pregnant. Not exactly what they planned; yet as believers they are trusting that this baby is God's plan.

There's a lot of "misplanning" (one of my new words) these days. We have in mind what we want and then we plan something to be. We operate out of our belief system, expecting our own plans to be fulfilled. Sometimes they are; but many other times the turns and twists of life take us in a new direction. Suddenly we find ourselves in an unfamiliar or unlikely place. The visit becomes a new place to live for a while.

My role as a young wife and mother changed when I experienced a call to ministry. I had planned to stay home with my children, maybe work a part time job. But a nagging unsettledness kept tugging at me, nudging me to reflect upon my relationship to Christ and my call to work for God as a pastor. I was shocked to learn of this call of God. I tried to wear God down, frequently giving God a long list of alternative names. It never worked. The only person who wore out or down was me. I gave in. My heart was made ready (took seven years) to accept a ministry to serve others.

I misplanned my life early on. For a variety of reasons I married a man I did not love. I came to love him and together we produced three beautiful daughters. I didn't further my education even though I was a good student. I settled into a life that was not fruitful for any of us. I failed.

Isn't it ironic that God called a failure into ministry. And would not let me go. I became restless in the argument with God; yet, God did not fail to encourage me, to trust me to serve him, to teach me. I had a lot to learn. Still do.

I can plan my life to a T. I can make all the plans and preparations, but in the middle of it, I can get waylaid. I will often find myself traveling down a road, unknown to me. I look around, explore the territory, do a quick assessment. That is when I recognize God has turned my car around, putting my feet on higher ground. I have come to believe that God's plan was destined from the beginning of time. My efforts in changing it are futile. I can go with my plan. But in the long run I will run out of steam and experience dissatisfaction. The journey toward God's plan will leave me breathless; the sights and sounds of life opening me to new arenas. A free ticket into sacred mystery where the only thing predictable is the unpredictable. I will major in the extraordinary where God lives and dwells. And I will run into joy of an eternal variety.

I want to align myself with God so I spend far less time planning my own life and much more time listening to God. I want to live in the fullness of time, living and breathing with God. I want to remain close so when God speaks the first time, I hear God's word. I don't have to try to unmuffle the words light years down the way. I hear the word that gives life and I cling to it. Then I move outward into the time, space, and place God has chosen. Eternity erupts, moving me upward. And there's no misplanning there!

God of Sacred Trust,
my life in your hands
will always be a meaningful life
when I listen and follow.
I want to be a disciple who does not question
but rather states emphatically,
how, when, where and how soon?
My life is not an accident.
You had a plan for me
from the beginning.
It began to unfold
the day of my birth.
Now at sixty I better understand.
Teach me, Lord,
teach me.

Love, Andrea