Thursday, February 1, 2007

Dearest God,

"Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but just say the word and I shall be healed." We offer these words in liturgy every Wednesday as we hold the Sacrament of Holy Communion in our hands. "Lord, I am not worthy..."; it helps us keep perspective.

This morning the words remained on my lips. "Lord, I am not worthy..."; I know I am not worthy. I know that I shall never be worthy until Christ himself in glory makes me worthy to receive God. But the gift is offered and that is what it is, a gift.

I have often wondered why the line reads"...say the word and I shall be healed." Why the word healed? Why not something else? It infers that we are unhealed, the reason for our unworthiness. Will my heart ever be healed enough to fully receive God? Will there be parts of me that remain hidden away even from my own eyes, parts unwilling to change, to come under the rule of God's will? And what word needs to be said for my healing to begin?

Every Wednesday I acknowledge the same truth..."I am not worthy." Humility is necessary if one is to live the Christian life. God and I are not equal. We may be partners in life, but we certainly are not on the same level. I fall way below the minimum standard. We all do. We cannot climb high enough to reach God. But that is the genius. God reaches down to us, pulls us up to where God is. It is not my effort, but God's alone. My unworthiness keeps me in close contact with God because I know I cannot satisfactorily make my way through life without God.

"...Say the word and I shall be healed." God sees my plight. Understands. Knows where healing love needs to invade. And when I bend my will to God's, God will enter my solar plexus, sending rays to every broken place. I will begin to feel the heat, the spiritual heat that God radiates into my inner being. And when I raise my hand to my mouth, to receive the body of Christ, I am aware I am healing.

Like the psalmist I need to remember where my help comes from. "My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth"...and me, by the way, and all others. I look forward to the holy meal every Wednesday. It is like manna from heaven. An unworthy soul in need of spiritual food. A gift, a priceless gift, one that can never be duplicated.

You are life to me.
I am an empty shell without you,
a skeleton without flesh,
like the valley of dry bones.
With you I daily drink
from the well of living water.
I am nourished,
and given strength.
My unworthiness
keeps me at your feet.
And my healing
keeps me close to your heart.
And love bursts
out of me like
sky rockets on July 4.
I shall endeavor
to remain close
all the days of my life
into eternity.

Love, Andrea