Saturday, March 10, 2007

My dear God,

My meeting was scheduled for 1:45 p.m. A leader-in-training and I worked on the retreat until 11:00 a.m. Then I jumped into the shower, got ready, packed my bags. We carried everything back downstairs, then ate some tuna helper, a little salad and a couple of twizzlers.

We got back on the road. My daughter called to wish me luck and prayers. About 20 minutes before we were to arrive, my heart skipped a beat. I was nervous. A breath prayer brought me back.

I walked into Panera Bread carrying my yellow tablet, pen and a bottle of water. We would watch for each other. We're both 60, wear glasses and have gray hair. That's how we would find one another. The place was packed. I stood near the glass door. "Andrea?" He asked me. "Barry?" I called out. We shook hands, then took seats in an out-of the way spot.

Barry is the owner of a publishing company. I am a writer. He contacted me about publishing my letters to God. We talked for nearly two hours. I learned about the company and the man. He found out about me. Pastor. Wife. Mother. Grandmother. Retreat leader. Zany woman. Spiritual pilgrim. We traded information, he about the process of publishing, me about my writing endeavors. A cancer journal. Retreat materials. Children's books. A collection of 50 stories about my family. Advent and Holy Land 30 day devotionals.

We parted friends. The next step is a meeting with three colleagues in his company to discuss my book project. One has already read my year-long blog. Barry has read excerpts. "We are very impressed." He told me. "You write well." They will work together to make some observations and recommendations, sending it to me by the middle of April.

I left the restaurant and climbed into my car. My friend was asleep, having waited on me to take her downtown to retrieve her car. She awakened and we talked about the meeting. She told me it was exciting. It is exciting, I thought to myself, but it's more than that.

I thought back to the early days of putting together my application for a renewal leave grant. An idea popped into my head, just like that. Every day write a letter to God on a blog. It would be a personal account of my daily journey, my quest for God, an intimate letter baring my soul, becoming vulnerable and learning to trust. No comments, none desired. God and I would find one another. Sounded like a good idea but I knew nothing about a blog. God placed the concept in my mind and I was faithful to put the idea on paper.

When I was awarded the grant, I began my search, and wrote my first letter. My very own blog, thanks to Jason, a church member. Faithfully, I penned my words, thoughts, hopes, fears and prayers. I didn't stop when the leave was over. God made it clear my renewal would continue.

More than a handful of people have suggested that I write a book containing my personal letters to God. I thanked them, but this was between God and me. If God wanted this, I would know it. When there were additional monies left over on my side of the grant budget, the idea came to publish the book. I inquired of Lilly for permission. Jean was quick to say yes. I contacted a couple of people. A friend had a friend who had worked with a publisher for several years, having written a number of books. Before I could call them, they had already contacted me. The visit with the publisher was yet another request of God to be faithful, to follow through.

I have followed the leading of God in this endeavor. It was never mine to begin with. God owned the idea from the beginning. My only desire is to be faithful to the call of God. If my heart-felt journey with God leads to a book, so be it. If not, my desire to be faithful to the God I love will be fulfilled. What more could I possibly desire?

You are the Source
of all my joy,
Great God.
My soul only longs
to be faithful
to your request.
You have delighted me
in this journey,
speaking to me,
listening to me,
dancing, singing, playing,
hoping, laughing, weeping,
together.
My heart is full.

Love to you always, Andrea