Monday, April 16, 2007

My dear God,

My daughter called to tell me about the horrible tragedy in Virginia. "Mom, where is God? Why didn't God stop this? Where is God?" Reasonable questions, especially for those who faced the gunman and his bullets.

What makes a perfectly sane individual lose his/her sanity and turn to murder? Why kill? Why destroy? Why traumatize? Even when this is over, it won't be over.

I thought of terrified parents rushing to their children, pleading prayers lifting up, of siblings screaming, crying, of friends sobbing, of teachers, neighbors and friends who ever loved these precious kids and their teachers distraught. Of a neighborhood who thought their families were safe.

My heart was broken for this community. Tears welled in my eyes. I prayed too. What has happened to us?

I told my husband we aren't prepared for such heinous acts that can happen anywhere, anytime by anyone. And then I thought of war zones. These acts happen randomly daily and have now for years. What has happened to us?

Exactly, what has happened to us? We have the capacity for good and evil. Why does our goodness turn sour, eventually into evil? What hurt can be so devastating that we would turn our evil toward others? Destroy lives, including our own.

I turn back to my daughter's question. Where is God? I suspect God was the professor who stayed in the classroom holding the door closed while his students crawled out the window. He was shot dead. Perhaps God was the student who turned over desks in the classroom, then stood too holding the door while the gunman kept shooting at the door. God was the students who carried their fellow students to get help. God in the form of an African American woman wrote a note on the VT sign, "love never dies." God will come to parents through friends, supporters, even strangers who will write notes, make calls, do generous acts. Every hug, kiss, condolence, prayer will be an act of God.

We want free will from you God. We don't want you messing in our lives much of the time. But when horror visits us, we want you to protect us and those we love. We want to hide in your bosom. Tragically we can't have it every way. Our hearts are conflicted. Right now we just want you to comfort us, especially those whose loss is so great.

O God,
come to us
like a shepherd
comes to a hurt lamb.
Pick us up.
Place ointment on our wound.
Secure us in your arms
until our injury has healed
or at least scabbed over
so we can function again.
Turn our evil back
into goodness once again.
Make us to sanctify human life
once again,
not just in Virginia
but upon the whole earth.
Cleanse us,
purify us,
make us holy
as you are holy.
Mold us into shepherds
like yourself,
so we too can
heal, help, hold.
Cause us to remember
we have been made for one another.
This is not a solitary journey;
we really are caregivers
of one another.
Those who died are our family.
The shooter was our brother.
Breathe into us your compassion,
Great Compassionate God,
breathe into us,
we pray.

Love, Andrea