Sunday, June 24, 2007

Dear God,

The day before vacation is almost a nightmare. Getting ready, preparing, putting things together, packing, trying not to forget anything, making lists, checking them off. I never question whether it is worth it. It's always worth it to me.

Staying nice, being humane, keeping a calm presence, speaking well to others, I try to maintain this stance during my "day before" routine. Doesn't always work. I get short, annoyed, especially if people just want to talk. Ooh! Drives me crazy.

Patience, that eluding quality of life, or at least the drive for it always pushes me to my knees before you. And praying for it is almost as difficult. I pray and the struggle for it causes me to be more impatient.

Last night I received a voice mail from the airlines. My Sunday flight had been canceled. They had rescheduled me for Monday on a different airline. Scheduled to sit at the airport for more than four hours, however, between flights. I called them back and said it wouldn't work. Fifteen minutes later they told me they had put me on an earlier flight and all would be well. But today as I stood with 120 lbs of luggage, the airline didn't even have me in their system (the new one they were putting me on). Back and forth from Delta to NWA, one said they didn't have me at all. The other had me roaming around their system on eight different flights. "What in the world are you talking about?" I asked the agent who was very polite, yet somewhat green around the ears. "I'm not being charged for all that, am I?" She assured me that I was not, but there was no seat anywhere for me to fly out today.

That was it. I was going nowhere. I stood at the ticket counter stranded, mad, disappointed. I did have a confirmed, boarding pass-in-the-hand ticket for Monday but that was it. I had to pull that heavy weight around nearly knocking people over and my almost tripping. My poncho kept getting caught in the wheels. Pray for patience?

Moments like these are carefully designed, illustrated to remind me that if my life's goal is to be faithful, then I must learn to accept the challenges that come my way. I can expect the daggers to come from any direction all at once, but a faithful pilgrim will take them, make meaning from them, and move forward. I almost failed entirely, but I sensed that a thin thread of trust remained in me.

In the daily trials of life
keep me at your feet
even if it makes me miserable.
I want nothing more
than to remain at your side.
I can holler, shout,
squeal and cry
but keep me there,
Ever-Faithful God.
Otherwise,
I will fail life completely.
Faithfulness
is what I care about.
Teach me your ways,
Great Master,
show me the path
that leads home,
every time.

Love, Andrea