Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Dear God?

Can the body heal apart from the spirit? Can the mind heal apart from the body? Can anything heal without its parts? The mind, body, spirit connection was not one I grew up with. My parts did not know they had kin who cared. Therefore, when I was ill, distraught or confused, or without direction, I did not realize there were untapped parts of my self.

It was 1997, remember? A September wedding. My daughter married and moved to France. Her leaving left an opening for a chain of events that would forever change my life. In two weeks on a vacation to the Carolinas, our SUV suddenly lost control and crashed, turning over and destroying our brand new 26' trailer. Within a month I failed a stress test. Another month turned up thyroid nodules that would eventually begin to cut off my breathing apparatus and lead to other severe problems. Within weeks I was diagnosed with breast cancer. All this was painful, scary. My whole being felt threatened.

A friend suggested I visit a wholistic chiropractor. The only chiropractor I knew was my grandfather and I always questioned what he did, mostly out of ignorance.

I remember entering the small office. Lots of people waiting. It looked like a typical waiting room. A nurse took some vitals and asked questions. Then I went in to see the doctor.

Over the course of several months I visited the doctor weekly, sometimes more often, twice or three times a week. I began to drink Alpha Green, a yucky green powder in water. I put mineral something or other on my tongue every day. I received a massage to my "wounded" parts. The music playing throughout was soothing, calm, peaceful.

I thought chiropractors just cracked and popped people. I had no idea they looked at the whole person. My time with the doctor began to reveal emotions about which I was not aware. Things began to "come up" that revealed some major brokenness. I still was not fully aware of what was happening at the time.

I began to experience change, transformation. I didn't know how. I still didn't understand it all. My "parts" held a reunion, a reuniting of all of me. No longer divorced from one another, I began to speak a new language, live a new life, pulling together a new reality. When my mind cleared I began to have visions of wholeness. Again I didn't know where they were coming from because I had been "separated" for so long. But soon my life took a new direction.

1997 was the year of change for me. I became acquainted with the body, mind, spirit connection. Through knowledge and experience I called for my whole being to come together in a way that would bring new life to me. I brought my learnings into my work, my ministry. I lead a retreat, a couple of them on the subject. And now when I become ill, I pull out my Heal Your Body book and look at it. And sure enough 9 out of 10 times it will reveal themes in my life.

I have recommended my doctor to at least a dozen people. I am accompanying someone today.

I will return to the scene where my whole being danced for the first time, a vision of loveliness that I will carry with me all the days of my life. A revelation, a picture of you taking my hand and inviting me to dance. At first I was too inhibited, shy, afraid. But you gently coaxed me to step forward, to trust, to move. All my parts shuddered at first. But then, I moved one foot, then another. My hand turned, palm up, an expression of openness. I was shaky in the beginning but when you put your arm around me to steady me, we began a new life dance. And before long my vision took me into the dark universe studded with star light. We danced, and danced and danced. I had never known such beauty before. Frequently I return to that moment in my spirit life.

Healing is a life-long process. I cleaned out the cobwebs of my life, like the woman in the bible who swept out all her demons, making space for God. I still fight with demons who threaten, but God always wins the fight and the dance continues.

Gracious God,
my life-time dance partner,
we return
to my beginning,
our beginning.
I will remember,
savor and cherish
the moments of my new birth.
Today I will give thanks,
praise dancing on my lips.
And my heart
will beat in rhythm
with the Divine.
You are my God
forever.
I am your child.

Love, Andrea