Thursday, July 19, 2007

Dearest God,

Your eyes are always upon us. We can hide in the darkest cave, but we cannot hide from you. Nothing is hid from your eyes.

I am guilty of poor judgement. Through your own leading my ignorance was revealed. Filled with guilt and shame, I hung my head. My heart sad, my mind filled with self judgement, I wandered through the Detroit Airport, having missed my flight from delays. Moving through hoards of people who had also been delayed, I was wrapped in shame.

I went to bed grieving, sorrowing at the Best Western at 11:00 p.m. Surprisingly, I fell asleep.
But morning returned me to my deep thoughts and sadness. I lay there, gripped in grief.

As I wrestled with my own humanity, I turned and opened the nightstand drawer near me. Nothing. I turned to the other side, opened the drawer and found what I was looking for. Bless the Gideons. I lifted the Bible from the drawer and held it in my hands. I felt the comfort it is intended to convey. Randomly I opened the book. My eyes moved to Job.

"Should not the multitude of words be answered? And should a man full of talk be vindicated?" Vindication, even for me? I thought. I read on. "That He would show you the secrets of wisdom! For they would double your prudence. Know therefore that God exacts from you less than your iniquity deserves." Tears formed. "Can you search out the deep things of God? Can you find out the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than heaven--what can you do? Deeper than Sheol--what can you know? Their measure is longer than the earth and broader than the sea. If He passes by, imprisons, and gathers to judgement, then who can hinder Him?" I let my tears spill from my eyes. "If you would prepare your heart, and stretch out your hands toward Him; if iniquity were in your hand and you put it far away, and would not let wickedness dwell in your tents; then surely you could lift up your face without spot; yes, you could be steadfast, and not fear; because you would forget your misery, and remember it as waters that have passed away, and your life would be brighter than noonday. Though you were dark, you would be like the morning. And you would be secure, because there is hope; yes, you would dig around you, and take your rest in safety."

I hugged you, for you had seen my error and my sorrow, heard my petition, my need for wisdom, words. My tears fell upon the sheets and I reckoned with grace. I showered and felt the cleansing waters from your hands.

As I left the room in the same clothes I entered it, I walked into the light of the new day, suddenly aware that darkness no longer held me in its sway. Your light had shone, revealing a path of great love.

I bow before you,
human with feet of clay.
You have poured
the ointment of forgiveness
upon me,
until dripping.
I have found
your grace.
And the way
out of darkness.
Humility has visited me.
Wisdom has taught me.
Lessons at your knee.
My well fills
with love and gratitude,
both which I offer back
in sweet devotion.

Forever yours, Andrea