Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Dear God,

Facing a fear head on can lead to renewed confidence, a sense of satisfaction, and inner joy.

Tonight I spent time riding Cinnamon, the auburn colored horse I will ride to the worship service on Sunday. She is beautiful with big eyes and a gorgeous mane. Friendly, she is helping me overcome a fear of riding horses. My experience in the past was not a good one. I gave up ever riding again. But a circuit rider needs a horse. Elsewise, how would they get to the churches along the circuit?

I came up with the idea of riding a horse to our 175th anniversary but had not one hand of support. Afraid for me I guess. I am a klutz at times. Why, I'm not sure. I do find the only grapes, little rocks and pencils on the floor. They do rise up to get me and yes, I do have a problem with crosses, those that fall on me and those that burn me. So I can understand why others do not want me to take chances.

But how will I ever overcome? How will I ever conquer the fears that grip me? How will I learn to trust, to face each fear as it comes if I do not take risks? A risk is taking a chance on achieving something, of learning, understanding, of trusting in an area where trust did not reside before.

I wanted to learn to mount and dismount without a stool. I wanted to climb up and climb down without benefit of something to stand on. I wanted to trust myself to do it. I wanted to trust Cinnamon. I wanted to trust you to help me. And so I did. I put my booted foot into the stirrup and I bounced, hefting myself up onto the saddle. The owners told me I did a great job. (Filling me up with affirmation is a good thing) Greg told me some people bounce up and over, landing on the ground on the other side of the horse. I, on the other hand, landed in the saddle, right where I was supposed to wind up. I was pretty darn happy.

I rode through the woods to the cross, then back a couple of times. What fun! Of course, I kept affirming Cinnamon for being such a good horse. Originally the owners had agreed to walk beside me on both sides of the horse. But Greg stayed back at the cross while Sahara followed several feet away. Wow, how good I felt!

I could have played it safe and given up the idea. I could have remained comfortable. But no, I took the opportunity to rise up to the occasion. For some riding a horse is a small thing. But to me, well, I think it's a big thing. And the fact that you and I rode Cinnamon together makes it all the more wonderful. I am blessed!

Loving God,
you never leave me alone.
You keep on
pushing me,
shoving me
to the edge.
You show me
the way to
trust.
And trust
leads me
to greater heights.
If St. Paul said,
"I can do all things
through Christ
who strengthens me",
then why can't I?
May I never say No
to the challenges
you set before me.
Be my strength,
my courage,
my comfort.
Make me alive
with your spirit
ever reaching out
to win your approval.
I give you
deep thanks.

Love, Andrea