Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Dear God,

Full circle. Prayers that came to me in the course of my writing came back to me full circle. I had asked my musician friend to once again play the music he had written to my prayers. He sat in my study, guitar in hand singing the words you had placed on my heart several months ago. I allowed the words to penetrate my heart and soul, giving me a much needed lift.

Today was hard. I learned some things I didn't wish to know. But now that I know them I will have to delicately deal with them. Confrontations will be a necessary part of the process. And I have already been operating recently with confrontations. Challenges of personal life as well as ministry. All coming at the same time.

I remember my college days, my keen interest in psychology. I recall learning about psychological problems and the methodologies used to treat such problems. I remember my course in intense spiritual direction, delving deeply into the emotional and spiritual realms. I was intrigued then and even more so now. I know how an unhealthy environment can develop and people can develop unhealthy habits leading to gigantic problems. I know the difficulties involved in confronting these seedbeds of death and destruction.

Yet, I also know the healthy healing that can come when psychology and spirit come together. I know the wedding that can take place between body, mind, and soul. I know the freedom that is possible to those open to it. Liberation from painful pasts and a door open to the future. Aah! New light coming into the the dank, smelly, eerie halls of life lived in the dark.

This is my work. Welcoming people to the light. Sharing its reality. Offering courage to come out of the odoriferous cells holding us captive. Taking their hand, holding it, walking out together. Finding the new way. Celebrating.

This process is not an easy one; in fact it's painful. Lots of grief packed inside. But when released to the light, the grief can be transformed into something quite lovely. Faith. Belief in one's self. Renewal.

I have to enter a season of prayer in order to deal with these difficult situations. I will need to trust you to lead me using my skills and talents learned in earlier days. I will have to enter those dark places that sometimes seem scary and foreboding.

I hear the line Rene sang, "This is ministry..."

Loving God,
I fall
at your feet.
I need rest,
a respite
from the frailties
of human living.
I need
an injection
of peaceful trust
that calms, soothes
and strengthens.
I need
to walk
the well-worn path
where trust
is the guide.
Help me, Lord,
to walk
beside you.

Love, Andrea