Monday, October 29, 2007

Dear God,

Some days you just have to pick up your whole body armor, put it on and fight fear. I was willing to do that in order to give my husband a nice birthday dinner at the Eagle's Nest Restaurant at the top of the Hyatt.

I have a fear of heights. I work hard not to give in to the fear, allowing it to paralyze me in place. My heart begins beating faster, my breathing changes, and my legs become rubbery. But even knowing that, I put on the whole armor of God and begin the attack.

I thought Harold might like to sit atop Indianapolis, look out over the city when the sun began to set and the night skies began to show their stars. Rotating 365 degrees during the hour meal would provide a great view.

But I had to get to the top. No easy way especially since the elevator is glass. (Why do I have to watch my way up?) Nervous I stepped into the elevator with two women and my husband. I got to the 12th floor and figured I had traveled as far as I could by glass. So I found the stairs and started climbing knowing my husband would have to wait at the top. At the 20th floor I stepped out onto the carpeted area thinking the restaurant was just around the corner. Not so. (I was making a lot of rustling noises with my armor) I found a phone and called the front desk. "You can't get to the top without getting on the elevator." They told me. They connected me to the restaurant. "There are five flights up through a service route." They told me and promised to send a man to assist me in my climb. (I know now where the plumbing is cared for and the electricity and the rotating floor) When I finally got to the top, Harold was already waiting for me. Seated by the window, I sat down, clanking like crazy. "Do you mind if we sit at the next table?" I asked the birthday boy. Generous, we moved just inches away but just enough to make it easier to breathe at such a high altitude.

All during the meal I was conscious of the moving floor and how high up we were. Yet, I wanted to give this good gift to my husband to celebrate his 72nd birthday. I held onto my armor knowing the time would come when I would be able to start my way down. Finally, after dinner I began my trek through the service entry, down, down, down, down to the first floor. A good walk. At the bottom I was tidy, removing the armor, packing it up, putting it into my purse for another time.

Courage, true courage comes
when faith enters
allowing risks to be taken.
Trusting in you
for courage
makes the shadowy path
easier to maneuver.
What would my life be like
if it were not with you?
Would fear overtake me?
Would the shadows
keep me from moving ahead?
Would I fall into a clump
forever stuck in place?
Oh Lord,
you are my refuge,
like the psalmist says,
my rock and my stay.
In you
I find strength.

Love, Andrea