Friday, April 11, 2008

My dearest God,

I believe we live more and more in mystery. It seems just a few decades ago we could count on fairly predictable endings. In the movies the guy always won the girl in the end. Predictable.

But today so little seems predictable. With a world of choices from ice cream to marriage, it seems difficult to get a solid grounding. It's hard to nail anything down. And I think in some ways it's detrimental to our health, every level of health. Anxiety, worry, fear seem to be those things that we can count on. Everybody is worried about something.

Yet, having said that, I realize that there is some benefit to all the craziness. It can bring us knocking at your door. We want to have value and meaning in life. We want to know that our life is making some mark on history. We like to think that our offering will leave some permanence behind.

We live in the "middle" of things, not so far over there or over here but rather in the middle of things. Sometimes it feels as though we never reach our destination, whatever or wherever that is. Like the lunchmeat in the sandwich we know we have some importance but we're never quite sure what we're connected to, linked with, supported by.

But it is in the midst of all this that I gather all the pieces of myself and camp at your doorstep. And while sitting there with nothing else I can do, I wait quietly, silently, patiently. One cannot hurry divine mystery.

I know for certain that there is great value in waiting. With one focus I listen for the creak of the divine door opening. I rally all my emotional forces for the opportunity for yet another peak at the Sacred. I know the lesson that awaits me will draw me once again to your feet. I make sense of life here. The ah ha moments make me laugh, a holy laughter when once again I see the majesty of God. The very fact that I am even considered to be a part of this holy unfolding is wild to my imagination. And for those moments I learn a challenging lesson, I am humbled, realizing I have yet to reach my fullest spiritual potential.

Settling my restless heart and mind so that I may see the grand design of my life, my church's life, my life with my family, but more importantly your design for all humanity reminds me that I am not ultimately in charge. My struggle for power and control will gain me nothing but heartache and sorrow. And that is the lesson. I sit at God's feet, not the other way around.

Holy Master of the Cosmos,
my yearnings
for you
define
the most of me.
All else
seems like dust.
Yet, I live in the middle
and I wish
to be content
here.
Patient,
willing to wait
for your
slight gesture
toward me.
I pray
for the willingness
to live out
the divine plan,
to follow
your leading,
to walk the path,
to care for those
along the way.
Who am I
to try to take charge?
Waiting and listening,
I discover
more of you.

Love, Andrea