Monday, May 19, 2008

Dearest God,

Three women sat at the round table in my kitchen. With rain falling outside, greening each shrub, tree, plant and flower, we were sprinkled with water from heaven. We were brainstorming, trying to come up with ideas for an event that will explode with excitement, enthusiasm and participation.

Three hours later we were all invigorated. Our give and take, our sharing back and forth, one idea piggybacking on another, we had what we were looking for. A simple film strip telling our story in pictures. They say one picture is worth a thousand words. Well, we have more than 1,000 words to say about our church's mission. The pictures will do it for us.

As I reflect upon how it all happened, there was an unfolding. One person saw something, another person saw something and before we knew it we were all seeing the same thing. The ideas popped and we could all see your hand print on them. We believe because we have seen you at work many times before.

In a conversation with a friend today, I realize how we humans are so prone to thinking linearly. If we can't envision it ourselves and have a say in how it unfolds, then we don't see the possibility. There's no room for the Spirit to do anything. It's purely a human endeavor. We lose sight of your spirit, enabling your power to do more than what we can think ourselves. We fall prey to shortsightedness. There's no evidence of faith at work.

Contrast that with what we women experienced. We kept believing God had a hand in what we were doing. We could see what you were planning. We simply went along for the ride. What you came up with is far better than what three minds could derive on their own. What is faith if we can figure it all out by ourselves?

How many times have I put out my hand stopping the flow of your Spirit? How many times have I tried to make something happen on my own? How many times have I failed to remember this is your will, not mine? How many times have I insisted on my own way instead of trusting you for something too big for me to imagine? How many times?

When I'm able to let go, to fall backward without support, and trust you to lead instead of me, I find myself falling into a gigantic, soft bed of rose petals, each giving off the fragrance of heaven. I find that my spiritual journey is always about trusting your bigger picture than my own small, pitiful, hand-drawn picture with stick figures.

Trust. Faith is all about trust. Living my life with you means that I submit myself to a higher calling and realize that every day I am going to be asked to step out or step into an uncomfortable situation. I am going to have to check my pride at the door. I am going to have to acknowledge that your way is always better than mine. I am going to have to relent, release, and surrender to your will. If I am ever going to live the full life you have planned for me, then I have to let go of a lot of self in order to discover the treasure you have laid out for me and others around me waiting for me to do my part.

Yours is
the only way.
Listening
and then following
is my destiny.
What do
I want said
of me
when my days
come to an end?
What?
I was faithful
to the task
I was
called to.
You wouldn't ask
if you didn't think
I could
do it.
You wouldn't ask
the impossible
if you didn't think
I could accomplish
your will.
You wouldn't ask
if you didn't trust me
to follow.
Let me live
in the wave
of your light.
Teach me
to bend
toward the light
and perk up
to your next call.
Let it be so
simply because
you desire it.

My love always, Andrea