Monday, June 9, 2008

Dear God,

St. Francis appeared on stage at the end of Annual Conference. My spiritual mentor continues to appear to me. While we almost never talk, this saint carries me or at the very least I carry him.

I don't have to explain to you how this happens because you are the Great Orchestrator. In your grand design, the great scheme of the cosmos, you make things happen. Nothing is a surprise to you except our own transformation. But to those of us on this side of things, everything is a surprise to us. A surprise in the way of amazement, creating wonder within us.

When we see a spiritual unfolding, when we witness a miracle, when we experience the Spirit, when our eyes are opened, our ears too, when we hear your voice, when the Song touches our heart, when we turn toward you, when we worship and let our spirits soar, when we relent and repent, when we open up, when we release, when we ready ourselves for an infilling or indwelling, when we take a step forward, when we trust, when we recognize our sin, when we grow silent, when we acknowledge how little we control, when we love...all these and much more surprise us.

Remaining open to your revelation, living in the middle of a juxtaposition, a side-by-side encounter with the Divine, we can see, really see the world and life as it really is. The blinders are taken off, no need for them. We want to see the reality of the Spirit. We want nothing to be between us, you and I. The veil lifted, the way made clear, life at the center reminds me that I do not want to be in the center of my own life. I want you at my center or rather I want to be at your center wherever, however, whenever that occurs. I want to look at life from your perspective, see it the way you view it in all of its ugliness at times and all its beauty at other times. What is my perspective next to yours?

The Christian journey is one in which I have to shake off all the accoutrements of life I have picked up along the way. Like a dog that shakes off water during a bath, I have to release my need for control, my beliefs that tell me how much I deserve, my wants that I have packaged as needs, my own greatness, and more. Only then, only then can I be enabled to see the truth of who I am, who you are. Only then am I able to see my own smallness in your greatness. This process gives me perspective. I both realize I am but a tiny speck in creation and a loved speck because I belong to you.

My friend St. Francis helps me, guides me along my pilgrim path. He whispers the truth of who I am. He reveals the insanity of some of my attitudes, decisions, and behaviors and he lets me know the love of God. I don't know how all this happens, don't really know any part of it. Why focus all my energy on the process when I can view the Processor whose name is Yahweh, Great God, Lover of the Cosmos, Healer of my Soul.

In the moment I saw this saintly troubadour on stage and heard him through his song and words, I knew my role in my House of Blessing. I am the keeper of the door. A keeper of the door is one who helps open doors to the spirit; it is one whose doorway is love, safety, and quiet joy. A doorway is the entrance to the heart and soul. I don't do the work of revelation. I just lead by helping to open the door.

And so today, I am in awe once again.

Awe-inspiring God,
I'm willing
to be lost
in you,
traveling through
a sacred sphere
where all
is clean and clear
and wonder-producing.
What more
could I want?
My "travel"
teaches me,
pointing out
the lessons
of life
and its practice.
I see
and hear
and believe.
And I smile,
my lips
turned upward
to offer
my praise.

Loving you, Andrea