Thursday, August 28, 2008

Dear God,

I lie on the floor, palms up, listening to the music play. Be Thou My Vision, Amazing Grace, It is Well with my Soul. Songs that inspire me, strengthening my inner core, preparing me for hard work. But it was the next song that caused me to weep. "Nearer, my God to thee, nearer to thee..."

I once wondered when it was that I had my earliest experience of you. I could remember a time when I was in elementary school. I could recall a time at my grandmother's house. Maybe five years old.

But when the song played, I remembered vividly a time when I sang it. I wanted to be the queen of Job's Daughters. I wanted to wear the crown and the purple robe when I was 14 or 15 or 16. But I didn't. Instead I was asked to be the soloist, the one who stood at the very bottom of the cross, the last one in line. While everyone else knelt, I stood to sing, "Nearer my God to thee, nearer to thee..."

I didn't get to shine, to sparkle. Instead I sang the message. Nearer my God to thee. Although the queen conducted the meetings and all the focus was on her, I was honored and privilege to sing the message of our organization. I sang about God and our need to be close.

As I lay on the floor, tears sliding down both sides of my face, I realized that you've been priming the pump of faith for me for a very long time. You have observed my life, my mistakes, my wrong and right turns, the twists and up and downhill paths I have taken. You have heard my every word, the good ones and the not so good and you have seen my every action, every time I failed and each time I reached higher.

As I lay on the floor of my House of Blessing ready to do your work, I waited for you to open me wide, to fill me with your direction, your guidance. As the music played filling my heart with inspiration, I knew again that I am nothing without you. My ministry is nothing without you. My service is nothing without you.

Then I sat up, wiping away my tears, praying for your direction and I began to dance.

Oh God,
I dance
the dance
of hope,
the dance
of obedience,
the dance
of mercy
and grace.
I can only do
what I do
in service
when I'm being lead
by you
rather than
the other way around.
How grateful
I am
to be loved
by you,
to serve you.

Love, Andrea