Wednesday, December 24, 2008

My dearest God,

Like always I have moved through Advent in anticipation of your coming. I am not expectant in the sense that I need more but rather that you fill me with surprises during the season. My heart is always pure toward you and my desire is always to meet you during the season of high reflection. Not that my heart and soul are pure and without stain but rather that my wholehearted desire is to lean toward you like a plant leans toward the sun for life.

The song Silent Night, Holy Night has had a special effect on me this season. I pause when I hear it, allowing the words to enter my soul cleansing me from within. The release of tears allows emotions to rise to the surface and for those two minutes I am not burdened down. I can breathe easier permitting my whole being to be calm and at rest. Indeed "all is calm, all is bright." I know for sure during those moments that the calm and the brightness of the light come from you.

And so I look forward to this day, this holy day of worship, of adoration and praise. Can there be a more beautiful day? Looking forward, anticipating your presence brings a sense of serenity and joy to me.

I arrived at church at 4:00 p.m. I worked on my meditation. I loved being alone in your holy house. Before I knew it the handbell trio was practicing, the children were rehearsing, the luminaries were being lighted, and people were entering the doors with open hearts.

I put on my robe and my white stole with the wild colors of Africa across my chest, with ribbons and beads dangling. I worked with the holy family stationed in my study as they made ready to symbolize the first family of God. A beautiful baby with a black mother and white father. The warm color just right from the Middle East.

And then I walked down the hall hugging people along the way. When I stepped into the narthex, I could see that the sanctuary, the holy dwelling place, was full of happy people. I walked down the center aisle so very aware of your loving presence. As I stood to welcome the people, I had the sense that the world was filled with believing people all ready to utter their praises no matter their condition, some with ill health or broken hearts, some living in fear and others in peace, some in confusion and others filled with bitterness or resentment; yet, they had come together to search for the baby of God's great mystery.

I talked about the light coming into the darkness, how the light never goes out. I wanted to give hope to those who were troubled and afraid but also to those who believe as a confirmation that yes, the light still shines and the light is Jesus. And as planned while I prayed the holy family entered taking their place at the stable, the baby placed in the manger.

Then it was time for holy communion. The ladies brought the bread and wine down the center aisle to me. I consecrated it and then invited the congregants to come. In less than a second a four year old little red-haired girl appeared at the bottom of the steps. Gazing into the manger where the baby moved about, the little girl mesmerized stood and watched. Beaming from ear to ear, she turned to me as her grandmother and then turned back to gaze at the baby. As the people came one at a time to me and I offered the Eucharist as the feast of God, I could watch my granddaughter as she looked at baby Jesus. She was positively aglow just like the angels must have been as they gazed upon the newborn king so long ago. I couldn't keep my eyes off my grandchild who couldn't keep her eyes off the baby.

It was then I realized this was my gift of Christmas. This was my visitation of your spirit. This was the holy moment that I had longed for, waited for. This child came to see the holy child. From the look on her face she was not just seeing a baby in a wooden structure but rather I could tell that Stella was seeing God.

You are
the Source
of my joy,
Great and Holy God.
Your gifts
to me
are too numerous
to count.
Your blessings
are like
the great many stars
in the skies.
I have seen
your face again
on the face
of my granddaughter
whose face
was aglow
with Jesus.

Loving you always, Andrea