Sunday, July 19, 2009

Dearest God,

Where in God's name does selfishness reside? Is it locked away in the human soul? In the heart or the brain? Why, Lord, be so selfish?

It seems to me that selfishness is a kind of self protection. Wrapping one's self in possessions, attitudes, behaviors or things that surround him or her is a way of keeping the truth covered up. It is a gesture intended to keep people focused on other things. Clinging to "my way" robs the self of a larger heart, soul and mind. In fact it seems to wither all three. An individual with a small heart, soul and mind is a sad person, one who cannot look beyond their own skin. Too much time gazing in the mirror at one's own self can lead to a life of disregard for others.

Selfishness can weave itself through the DNA. It can lock the door to deeper, more meaningful relationships. It can cause the self to reinterpret events and happenings through exaggeration, a massaging of the truth and lies so as to keep one's self image in place, a false image created through need.

Selfishness at the feet of Jesus, your Son, dissolves like pure white snow on a warm day. Everything is revealed and known. The truth is present. Every lie however teeny or great beams like a neon sign. We know ourselves as we really are. All sins are seen. Every need transparent. Our insecurities are uncovered. Only then in your light can we begin to see who we are, who we have become. The beautiful thing is the warmth of your loving grace gives us a renewed chance at life. Our needs can be transformed. We can change.

The other reality that happens is that we also learn more about you. We see your gentle strength. We feel your love. We experience a renewing, restoring power. We know we are not king or queen of our own hill. We know who owns the hill. We discover that we truly are children with our heavenly parent, one who knows us so well, loves us so deeply, wants so much more for us. The discovery of a vital relationship between you and your child, our very own self opens the door to a greater life, one of love, trust, faith, hope, truth, and opportunity.

Dearest God,
let every pinch
of selfishness
in me
disintegrate
in your presence.
Let the truth
be known
to you always.
Give me
a mind
that searches
only for truth,
a heart
that is
always open
to others,
a soul
that delves
into the dark
where deep needs,
insecurities,
hurts and disappointment fester
into something
unbecoming of
your child.
Make me unafraid
willing only
to walk
with you,
to trust you,
to follow you,
to be obedient,
to be my
truest self.

My love, Andrea