Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Dearest God,

An inner life with God make a difference, a unique experience that brings renewal. New learnings, illumination that comes out of blindness, an opening of the ears that brings the sweet melody of joy rise up in the human spirit. Atoms circle in new fashion restoring order, surging with new life. The human body changes. A new being is born...again. The body and mind are attuned to the spirit, a uniting, a reunion of the whole.

Some days I know that I am drinking from a deep well. I can taste the livingness of the water. My whole being radiates with the Master's spirit. I know "from whence I come."

At covenant group we shared. Normally one person opens themselves to the Spirit and the other two remain in prayer inwardly as we spiritually discern with our colleague. Where is God in the midst...? We will ask. Gentle spiritual nudging, listening for the Voice that reveals all. We wait for God to speak. And the Holy voice will be heard.

But today one was out of town. Bill offered the devotion, words from Mother Teresa who spoke love from Calcutta, a love that traveled round the world. Then we each shared. I found myself sharing from that deep well, learnings from the day before. An encounter, no two. God was in the room.

When I drink from the deep well, I am nourished with a living presence. I literally drink in God. It is both a spiritual and emotional experience. At times I can feel the physical manifestation of God within. I know that I have become part of God. I lean in to His bosom. And the purity of our spirits together is like nothing on earth. I am perfectly content, at peace. This experience may last for just a moment, an hour, sometimes more. But it is distinct, a moment in time to return to, to give one's self to, to make an offering to. It is God.

Some days I am far away. Distant from this God who provides life. I am drying up, yet unaware. Until I am withered, bent, burdened. And God looks at me as a loving parent, then scoops me upward, offering me the cup. And I drink life once again.

I spent most of my life as an insecure person. My greatest value was those moments when God and I touched. But the in between times were empty, when I felt afraid, vulnerable. I tried to be perfect, to win the approval of those around me, whoever "those" were. I believed that one found their purpose, meaning and value by the ways one gave one's self away. Until there was no self left. I could not return to reclaim the pieces dropped along the way. I had to be remade.

There were moments when I longed for what I had lost. Those broken parts, fragments of my former self. But the gate behind me was locked. The remnants of my past, gone forever. Grief.

I discovered that yesterday's doings can never be relived today. They are over and gone. Today is filled with the promise of tomorrow. And hope lives in between. In my sharing I discussed my celebration of today.

I want to walk the hallowed way. I want my greatest desire to always be my walk with God. I want to function out of the deep well, not the muddy puddles that come during a rain and dry up as quickly as they come.

Living water comes only from you,
O God.
Everything else is muddy water.
To live at the Center
is to drink often
from the well.
But the well will dry up
if I do not carry
the cup to another,
and another,
and another.
Keep me close, Lord,
for I am thirsty.

Love always, Andrea