Monday, January 8, 2007

Dear God,

The cold and sinus bug has bitten! I had a headache and sore throat on Sunday. Today I awakened with tiredness, sore throat and worse headache, a bit of diarrhea. I got up to write and as soon as I was done, I went back to bed or rather the couch. I stayed there all day, too tired to get dressed.

When I wasn't sleeping I read a new book I was given, Icebound. It's a true story about Dr. Jerri Nielson who discovers she has breast cancer while on assignment at the South Pole. Unable to be rescued due to temperatures reaching as low as 100 degrees below 0 and in total darkness, no plane can land and leave. The jet fuel turns to gel.

So she has to train non-medical personnel at the Pole to assist her in doing a biopsy on her own breast, not once but twice. They learn how to do IV's and routine medical procedures. With the aid of computer and video conferencing, she gets help from a doctor at the IU Med Center in Indianapolis. It is a story of adversity, courage, team work, and trust. She has to rely on others since she is the only doctor, trapped for eight months in darkness at the lowest place on earth. Time ticks as the mass grows rapidly.

I was interested since I am a breast cancer survivor and I was close to the same age of diagnosis. I want to know how different people deal with the life threatening disease. I read 258 pages without hearing the name of God. Forty one people, all scientists of one sort of another, no mention of God.

Yet, I had the strange feeling that God was playing a part in the intriguing scenario. Even as I read about day to day life in the dark with all its threats, I sensed a divine hand in what was happening. Creative, innovative, brilliant professionals using their skills for research, learning about the origin of the universe, discovering and dating microbes living thousands of feet below the ice surface, living life at 9200 feet above sea level. On the edge, it is a story of life on the edge.

Often times we feel as though life happens without God. We don't see God; therefore, we assume God is not present, accessible, available. We believe in the tangible, the apparent, the visible and if God does not appear, we live in the belief that God is not part of our life. We live without a sense of divine connection, a sacred link to something, someone deeper beyond ourselves. We sometimes place ourselves as god of the universe. We really can play that part but we only get that, a playtime with our self. As god, we do it all and yet very often we discover our own emptiness, a loneliness so deep. Yes, we can play god but what do we get in the end? More of ourself? And what is the great value of a "god" self, like millions of others?

I'm not finished with the book. We'll see how it ends.

Too many gods
in too many places.
What's the good?
We're not designed
to be gods.
We are humans
with extraordinary gifts.
Our use of these gifts
can bring light to God
in the world.
My life is intended
to point to God
who gives more,
even beyond our earthly existence.
The "more" is a sacred quality
that sees, hears, knows, experiences
greater depths in life.
Sometimes we shun this "more"
because we don't understand
or we are afraid
or we have to admit our mortality.
We are human after all;
our flesh is dying.
But the spirit that holds it together
can soar
in circles so high,
reaching heights
we could never imagine.

Gratefully yours, Andrea