Thursday, January 11, 2007

Dear God,

I double majored in college, psychology and sociology. The only class I didn't take was a Psychology Statistics course. I would have had to take an additional semester but I was ready to begin seminary so I elected not to take the final class of my psychology major.

I have always been interested in people, who they are, what they think, how they behave. People operate from billions of tiny bits of information. They wade through the data, making decisions every moment. I am fascinated by this process.

Recently I finished a book based on a true story entitled, Ice Bound. I learned about a group of people who live on the edge, daring people who take big time risks to experience, to learn, to feel, to know. These daredevils enter a realm that 99.9% of the population never reach. Astronomers, physicians, engineers, scientists live in seriously challenging conditions in order to gain knowledge and more. The scales can tip at any moment, threatening the lives of the daring, sometimes causing people to perish. They are willing to take the chance in order to live the experience.

Astronauts realize that anything can go wrong; yet, they are committed to go forward, to explore the unfamiliar, the unknown. They make the sacrifice in order to gain whatever it is they are seeking.

I didn't realize the connection between this book and the Disney movie, Eight Below. I watched it last night. I had seen it before, but never made the link between the two. In both cases the setting is Antartica, McMurdo, Mac Town, Christ Church. As I watched the movie, I thought of Jerri Nielsen the doctor in Ice Bound. I thought of her pals, all those willing to risk their lives like Jerry in the movie who is willing to risk his own life to save his dogs. It's a killer story. I cried through several scenes.

But the greater question I am left with is, How much do I risk? And what is gained by my risking? What am I willing to sacrifice in order to give something to others, to society, to science? What does my life count for in terms of what I offer? How far out am I willing to go? What inspires/motivates me or someone else to leave the familiar for the unfamiliar, the known for the unknown?

I don't want to be like the millions, billions on the planet who consume life, then die. I don't want to just live my life selfishly, build my own little kingdom, then leave. I don't want to leave nothing behind.

Human beings were made in the image of God. I believe that. But do we operate as people made in the image of God? Do I recognize the truth that my existence is built on this premise? Does my daily living give evidence that God has been living in my skin, promoting godly ways, giving godly, compassionate love away? Do people feel as though they have been in touch with God as they experience life with me? Do I trudge into the unfamiliar, the unknown? And do I emerge a better person, giving to others what I have discovered?

I find that I am a spiritual explorer. Sometimes I am willing to go deep; at other times I am hesitant, afraid. I'm unwilling to take the chance to "fall off the earth" like the rough riders tease at the South Pole. My vulnerability draws me back into myself, keeping the umbilical cord intact. I want to trod the spiritual path, knowing full well that much of the way is in darkness. Yet, I wonder even what that means.

I learned on renewal that an adventurer into the spiritual world is always accompanied by God. I felt it every single day. I was never alone, never without God. And I felt as though God was leading the way. I was simply walking in His footsteps, made for me to follow. I'm 60. How much time is left to explore?

God of the Cosmos
and the tiniest particle of life,
I stand in your shadow
wondering, reflecting.
I am fully aware
that I am but a speck,
but a speck of human life
made in your image.
What more
are you calling me to do?
How can I fully
follow you,
into the unknown, the unfamiliar?
Lead me, Lord,
lead me,
give me the capacity
to follow.
Make your footsteps clear
so that I will not veer
from the path you have chosen.
Make me willing.

Love, Andrea