Thursday, February 15, 2007

Dearest God,

Yesterday I came across a plastic shoebox filled with old pictures. A small yellow folder trimmed in red caught my eye. As I opened the flap I found snapshots of my family of six, Mom, Dad, my two sisters and brother. I was ten years old.

I remember the time when we traveled in our 1957 Dodge to St. Petersburg, Florida. We visited my grandparents who wintered in Florida. There we were, Daddy sitting in a lawn chair, we kids standing around him, my grandparents' trailer in the background. At the ocean, Grandpa and Grandma sitting in chairs, my svelte-looking mother in her swimsuit. My parents, siblings and me standing in front of the door of a cousin's home. We were happy, all smiling.

So different now. Daddy dead of Alzheimer's. Mother deceased with heart problems. An estranged sister. Another sister in Tennessee. A brother set apart. And me. Fifty years ago we were together.

Yesterday when I shoveled snow from the winter storm, I became aware of my age. Sixty years old. Not until that moment did I give any thought to six decades. In fact when I turned 60, I felt pretty good about it. But yesterday, and even today, I think about the limitations that come when you grow older.

"Persons with health problems and older people shouldn't shovel snow." My daughter cautioned me. I wonder which category she thinks I fit in. Maybe both.

A couple weeks ago my granddaughter was upset that I let people paint my hair blue for the soup can drive. "I like your hair gray, Grandma." Gray? My hair is gray? I thought it looked frosted. My six year old grandchild sees me as a gray-headed grandparent. Whoa!

Reflecting upon my age these couple of days has brought me to a new appreciation of the aging process. Designed by God, the body will change with time. Strength will give way to weakness. I will grow shorter (already lost 1 1/2" due to spinal deterioration). My friend told me the other day that I remind her of her grandmother because my fingers are beginning to develop arthritis. (I have little humps on my index fingers.) Goodness sakes! When did I join the older crowd? I suppose I should have taken a clue from McDonald's when they declare you a senior citizen at 55 and give you a 10% discount.

It's probably time I emerge from the deep! Two days trapped due to snow can cause a person to develop paranoia! Hopefully I will find a way out today. I've got a call in to a snow removal company.

Living in the present is a valuable exercise. A person can take stock in who they are and what they are becoming. Doesn't have to be a negative experience. Just a reality check in time. A learning experience.

You hold time
in your great, big hands,
Omniscient God.
Wisdom comes
as we listen
to the ticking
of the hall clock.
There is an inner joy
for those who remain close
to the Eternal Clockmaker.
As the pendulum swings
one way,
then the other,
contemplation fills the space in between,
and we discover
the magnificent wonders
of the Eternal.
God holds all time.
Nothing stands still,
remains the same.
And it is okay,
the grand design.
Beautiful.
In God's time.

Yours always, Andrea