Thursday, April 19, 2007

Dear God,

After nearly three years he sorted through 70 boxes of material representing 47 years of ministry. Bulletins, stewardship campaigns, committee minutes, programs, correspondence. With help he refilled the boxes, toted them into the back of a pick up truck, and drove away. Standing beside the archives clerk he signed a paper authorizing DePauw University to discard any papers they could not use or store. Then he walked away.

Last night I talked with my pastor husband. He told me how sad the day had been. "I let go of my life today." A tone of sadness in his voice. "I know." I responded.

My husband is a historian. What happened in the past is vitally important to him. He believes a record needs to be kept so the past is not lost. Sometimes I worry that he will get lost in the past. He is a very bright man, filled with love for the church, and deeply concerned for its future. He has always had lots of ideas how the church can be remolded in order to secure the future. For some reason he has not been appreciated for his ideas. Those with a status quo mentality can't see the same vision Harold sees. He is generally frustrated. I understand most of the time.

I could tell he was feeling great loss. While realizing that we have no way to store all the materials he has accumulated through the years, it was still difficult to part with ministry he has been part of for many years. I feel sad for him. I once told my hubby that he was far more valuable than the sum total of all his papers. I'm not sure he believed me.

An era has passed for Harold. He is so comfortable with the past... known, appreciated, respected, valued. But letting go will allow him to move forward into the future, never surrendering the memories he helped create. Transitions are hard. Part of you dies, never to be retrieved again. Hopefully lightening the load of the past will enable him to see promise in the future.

Thank you for my spouse,
my minister husband.
A man
who saw my potential
years ago
and urged me into ministry.
Today as I engaged
in a spiritual exercise,
his name came up
and I recorded my thoughts
regarding him.
He may be one of the greatest reasons
I am in ministry.
The second, no maybe the first,
who truly believed
I was called of God.
Today I am
most grateful for him.
Ease his pain,
reward his loyal commitment,
I pray.

Love, Andrea