Thursday, September 27, 2007

Dear God,

I'm thinking of my mother and father today. I am thinking of Sister Andrea and Mercy Hospital. I'm thinking of Nonie, my aunts and uncles.

I was born 61 years ago today. My dad had come home from the war after serving 3 1/2 years. They were anxious to have a child. They named me Andrea after Sister Andrea, an obstetric nurse/nun who helped give me birth in the delivery room. My family was so happy because I was the first born among all my aunts and uncles. I was much loved.

Of course, I don't remember. But the stories have been told to me. My parents, Nonie (my aunt's mother), Aunt Carolyn, Aunt Jodie. They've all shared with me about my birth and early days.

I miss these loved ones very much. Mom and Dad are dead. Nonie is in her 90's with dementia. I don't get to see Aunt Carolyn or Aunt Jodie very often. I'd love to throw a party today and invite them all back. But since I can't do that, I want to write Dad and Mother a letter.

Dear Mom and Dad,

It's my birthday today! Yea! Do you remember the day? How did you celebrate? What were your thoughts? What did you want for me? What dreams did you hold? Expectations?

How I'd love to have you both with me today. There's so much I want to share with you. Did you know I write? Gosh, I never dreamed I would find so much joy in writing. Did you know I have 22 grandchildren? Could you ever have imagined? Did you know I have a home in Maine, a beautiful renovated home? I know how much you loved Maine. I think about you every time I'm there. I'd love to share the house with you. Did you know I plan to retire in a couple of years? Can you believe it?

Today I'm reminiscing about the past and I'm thinking of you. I want to thank you for my growing up years. Mother, you worked really hard raising us four kids. And all by yourself since Daddy worked three jobs, then took a job where he traveled all the time. And Daddy how happy I was when you came home. I loved our spelling contests. I loved it when our whole family was together.

Fast forward through the years. Mom, I'm sorry I hurt you when I was 17. And Daddy I'm sorry I never attended any of your Marine Corps reunions. More than 20 years, I could have gone to at least one. I'm sorry for all the sorrow you faced Mom in the last two years with all the family chaos. I know you died of a heart attack but I've always believed you died of a broken heart. I'm so glad you allowed me to be constantly at your side staying with you in the hospital the last days of your life. Thanks. I'm sure I didn't deserve the honor. And the dance, I'm so glad I danced at your service. That dance was filled with so much love for you.

And Daddy I'm sorry you had Alzheimer's. I'm sorry you were afraid when we came to see you because you didn't remember us anymore. I'm sorry I cried all the time. I didn't know what else to do. And the dance, oh Daddy, I will always remember our last dance. You were in the assisted living facility, remember? The music was playing and I asked you to dance with me in the hallway. We danced and danced the two step, the only dance you could ever do. Me on my tippy toes raising up to your 6'4" frame. We kept on dancing after the music stopped because you were hard of hearing. I didn't care. I was so proud to be in your arms once again. I'll never forget our last dance.

I'm sorry for every time I was cruel or insensitive. I'm sorry I didn't always show my gratitude. I'm sorry I didn't always express my love.

For everything you gave me, a start in life, love, and a model for hard work, I am so grateful. And Daddy, thank you for coming to see me when I was diagnosed with cancer. Even though you already had the beginnings of Alzheimer's you were clear and comforting to me. You told me to leave a legacy. I thought you thought I was going to die and you wanted me to make a difference. I lived. In December I will celebrate 10 years. I took your suggestion. I really am trying to make a difference.

I miss you. Very much.

Love, Andy

Oh Lord,
I'm filled with emotion
this morning.
Missing my parents,
feeling gratitude
for my life,
my family,
and my ministry.
Sixty one years.
Seems so long,
yet so very, very short.
I'm traveling
with you, today.
And I'm
so thankful.
I love you
very much.

Gratefully, Andy