Friday, March 14, 2008

Dear God,

Procrastination, a nasty nagging habit. The thoughts that come to mind when I have to do a particular task sometimes keeps me from following through. It's not about everything I have to do, just three or four things. By nature I am not a procrastinator. However, there are some things I find hard to do. Sometimes it is difficult to break through, to step forward, to make the call, to send the letter, to complete the task.

This week I made a call I had waited nearly two weeks to make. I thought about it every day. It was a simple call. And the person I called was more than happy to do the task I asked. So why was that so difficult in my mind?

The nagging voice is worse than actually doing the task. Yet, I find myself waiting. Eventually I have to do whatever it is that needs done. Why wait? Why not do it now and be done with it?

Fear. Fear holds me back. What if? What if the person says no? It means more work, thinking, regrouping.

Perhaps it's a job I don't like. Or I think other things are more important. Trouble is that at some point the job, the task, the work becomes a priority.

Lord, I don't ever want to be a procrastinator. I want to do what needs to be done. I want to follow through on the task. I want to do what you ask me to do.

If I practiced the presence of God in my every day, every moment living, I would have to hide if I procrastinated because I would know I was trying to sidestep the task you have given me. I would feel guilty, ashamed. I would have to face my fears and/or my task as you stood with me. I know I would be moved to do the task because my life's one goal is to be faithful to you.

I want to be a faithful follower, one who takes whatever task you give me and does it well. I would want to do it as a gift response to you for every blessing that you give me, beginning with the promise of your presence and your grace-filled love.

How much differently I would operate if I truly walked each day like Brother Andrew who practiced the presence of God. He saw you as he washed the dishes, tended the garden, did the mundane chores.

The reality is that you are here. You are beside me. You do know what I do and how I do it. You tell me what I need to do. I don't have to go asking. You are the one true reality in my life that remains constant.

This morning,
God of my dreams
and visions,
I want to do
every task
awaiting my help.
I want to do
it all for you.
I want
to be faithful
now and always.
Speak to me
in all my hiding places.
Draw me out
like a child
called by her parent.
Set me upright
for my work
that brings order
to chaos.
I want to be
a servant
for you.

Love, Andrea