Sunday, March 16, 2008

Dear God,

I could see the events taking place. Historical events unfolding. Mary pouring perfume on Jesus' feet. Jesus on a donkey on his way to the cross. And me standing at the gate, waiting to decide whether or not to enter the celebration of new life.

I felt myself inside the story as I preached today. I wanted God's story to be the story of my life. I wanted your story to be my life's story.

Invitations come along, invitations to join the Sacred story. Sometimes I take the invitation and join in the festivities; other times I make excuses. Today I wanted no excuse. There was nothing more I wanted than to join the story.

Perhaps it was because a celebration is easy. Fun. No cost. I just join the other happy people. But what about Thursday at the table with Christ? The last supper? Would I join him at the table? Would I follow him to pray? Would I remain in the garden by his side, praying? Would I fall asleep? Would I walk beside him to the jail and ultimately to the cross? It's easier to join the party when it's a happy event than when it is a costly event, the cost perhaps my own life.

I felt myself wanting to do everything you wanted me to do from the sublime to the difficult. But do I have the faith inside me to say yes to everything? Do I have enough spiritual stamina to follow a path that will lead to you every time, although the path will lead through dark valleys?

These are the questions of Holy Week, questions I am faced with answering. I answer with my love. But will my legs carry me the distance?

Holy Face of God,
I cannot look
into your eyes
and say yes
to every question.
I want to,
I desperately want to.
I am afraid.
I have walked through
deep darkness before.
And I have always
found you waiting.
I have been afraid
and you have dissolved
my fears
and my tears.
I want to walk
to the cross
with you.
Make me able.

Love, Andrea