Saturday, May 24, 2008

Dear God,

I'm pulling weeds, oh so many weeds. How many weeds can collect under two large pine trees? The thistle weed grows deep. And there's this other kind whose "under the soil" root is the shape and size of a large carrot. I have to dig deep to rid myself of this undesirable.

I have spent days clearing and cleaning this particular area. An hour here, an hour there. Until my "compromised" left arm (caused by removal of lymph nodes following breast cancer) begins to swell and hurt. Then I stop.

As I stand back and look at the plot of weeds still standing some 12" - 15" tall, I wonder just how many "weeds" remain in my soul plot. Those weeds take special work to rid myself of them. They grow there, unabated unless I tend to them daily, not giving them the kind of environment where they can take root and grow.

This endless process of clearing and cleaning the soul takes a lifetime. I can't go even a day without doing some work if I want to make my own spiritual soil the kind that will allow flowers to blossom. I want to give off a sweet smelling scent to let you know I am growing for you. On any given day I can be beautiful and fragrant with your love. Other days my weeds can stink and smell.

Prayer can help me. Meditation even more. Silence can nearly clear things up on its own. But if I do not engage in this behavior I leave plenty of room for the other kind of stuff to grow.

I am sure I'm always being looked at. You examine me daily, sometimes more often. You know when something is taking root. You know when a weed has died and disappeared. You know when I am blooming something wondrous and beautiful for you. You know when I am taking a turn one way or the other. You know it all. And I am grateful.

I can
hide nothing
from you.
You know
it all.
I do not
even try
to make excuses
because
you are always
watching me.
You know
about me
even before
I know.
Carefully tend
to the garden
of my soul,
will you?
Teach me
how to remain
clear and clean.
Help my
little plot
to grow
in every way
you desire
so I will be enabled
to grow
a garden
so exquisite
and magnificent
as a gift
to you.
I owe you everything
for giving me
seeds,
sunshine,
living water,
and the tools
to live
for you.
Eternity grows
in my heart,
a love gift
from you.
May the work
of my soul
be a gift back.
Every day.

Love always, Andrea