Thursday, July 17, 2008

Dear God,

My hip exploded with pain as I stood at a store simply holding two blinds, one that started to slip and I leaned to pick it up. It sucked the air right out of me. And while I worked to breathe in air, I simply wondered if my body was failing me.

After using cold compresses, meditation and prayer, I finally had to drive to the hospital for relief. Holed up in the waiting room for two and a half hours, tears slid down my face as pain radiated from my hip and back. I wondered what I could expect from my body that has increasingly experienced difficulty.

Such times in recent weeks have kept me at your door knocking. I have not questioned why as much as what do I do as parts fall apart? I want not to be a whiner or to draw attention to myself. I simply want to care for my body as I need to remaining completely trusting you. I know we do not come with incorruptible parts. I am aware that the aging process takes a toll on the human body. I am 61.

As I look into your eyes when something physically is challenging me, I see your love holding me. I try to make peace each time. I want to trust even as I enter the time of dying. I want words of faith and trust to be on my lips as I live my final days. Not that I believe I am in those days, far from it; however, I have a somewhat fragile system and I must properly and lovingly care for this body given me at creation. I simply want my love and devotion for you to be completely intact as I respond to each occasion of difficulty. I want to live in joy.

As the doctor checked me out and gave me pain medicine, I realized again the fragility of life promised at the beginning but never for how long. I recognize my own need to stay in touch, to grow my roots deeper, to trust more, to live carefully and fully a life of faith. That is my most earnest desire.

Blood pulses
through my being
because you have
destined it for me.
I have breath
because you have
breathed your air
into me.
I love
because you put
your own heart
within me
so that
I could love you
and others.
I smile
and laugh
because you have put me
on the earth
to bring joy
to the earth
and to your people.
Let me live
as you have chosen;
let me die
as one well lived.

Love, Andrea