Saturday, July 12, 2008

Dearest God,

Following simple leads keep me connected to you. The rain coming down made it possible to sit outdoors on the screened in porch to do grant application readings. When the rain stopped and it became very muggy, I moved indoors. When I was invited to join family members at a pool a couple miles away I stayed home because of the heat. Listening and following, I have found, has made me a gentle follower.

I have a wonderful zest and zeal for life. I know I am blessed, have been all my life. I have seen the creation through eyes of wonder. The smallest thing can titillate my soul. Ants building an ant hill with a trail of worker ants carrying food can cause me to pray in thanksgiving for the order and wonder of it.

I love to do so many things. I love the outdoors, the sun and water. I enjoy being with family. I love a good walk in the rain. My usual spontaneous self can find enjoyment in almost anything and feel it was a spiritual adventure.

But these days of my life are changing, not my love for them but the way I spend them. While in the past I would adventure out at the drop of a hat, these days I listen more to you. I have to listen more to my body. I used to live life through an open door. Now I have to be careful how much I open the door. Now I live in a body that can awaken dead tired or mostly refreshed. I never know. I can have energy one minute and none the next. I never know what will happen when. I live in a time of unknowing. My ability to physically adjust is compromised. I can't do it sometimes not because I don't want to but because I'm not capable. And so I rely more on your gentle nudges. I must listen or run into trouble.

I am still a free spirit. Although my family gathers to have a great time together around a pool and I can't be there because of health problems, I do not moan and complain, feel sad and discouraged. I am learning to breathe in you. I take into stride my limitations and feel your blessing. Sitting quietly, listening to you gives me the opportunity to know you better. My free spirit is rallying around you instead of wandering off in other directions.

I realize I have come to a new juncture in my life, one that changes how I am, not who I am. My prayer is that these days and years of my life will be a taming of my once fast-paced "do it all" life. I want to listen more, do less of my own will, and follow you.

Whisper to me,
O Great God,
whisper to me
your will.
Bend my will
to yours.
Like a young sapling
who bends
in the wind,
teach me.
Let your breath
be the air
that moves me.
Help me
to be flexible,
able to move
at your will.
Move me,
Lord,
move me
to do your will.

Love, Andrea