Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Dear God,

I drove halfway around the city yesterday to find a spiritual home. My Carmelite sisters are gone, made their way to Oldenburg, home to the Franciscans. My drive left me at the doorway to the Benedictines.

My covenant group met in a very small room. We honored silence, listened to a devotion, and I shared. I looked up at the hammered bronze tin cross and looked over my shoulder at the white dove carrying the symbol of peace. We talked quickly about our meeting place the next few weeks. Decided this was okay but we would change our meeting day so we could join in morning prayer with the sisters.

It's not home yet, although I found some potential. It's temporary for me. I have only one more year to engage in a living relationship with two colleagues of faith.

Sometimes, Lord, the change is uncomfortable. I miss my sisters. In fact last Sunday I dared to walk down the aisle at the big cathedral in Santa Fe to receive Holy Communion. Ordinarily I would honor their tradition and live by their rules but on that day I wanted to be in union with my sisters who I knew were sharing in their last Sunday worship. I wanted to be united with them in the common bread. When someone questioned me about it later in the day, I told them I went down for communion because I have a catholic heart. I'm not talking denomination as much as I am universality.

Sometimes I step into new arenas looking for the possibility of newness, a new setting, a new experience, a new heart. Although I don't always know the importance of the "new", I do know the value of experiencing it with you. I don't want to ever leave you behind or fail to show up where you are leading me.

Teach me,
Lord,
teach me.
Keep me
within a hand's reach
always reminding me
never to wander
too far away.
In this new time
may I not be afraid,
always reckoning
with the fact
that I can never really
walk away.
Keep the edges
of my heart
always soft
to new settings
and experiences
and people.
Only you
can settle my heart
teaching me again
to trust utterly.

Love, Andrea