Thursday, September 18, 2008

Dearest God,

Surrender. Surrender. As I shared in my covenant group, you brought to me the word surrender. Is surrender truly the answer to life's dilemma's? To matters out of my control?

When I carry the burdens of others, I feel the heaviness as if I were physically carrying them. I walk around with this feeling. It is difficult to drag it around with me. I have to ask myself why I do it. Is it because I allow others to penetrate my own skin, thereby climbing onboard my own soul? Do I carry them because I don't know what else to do? Do I usher people aboard because I can't do anything else? Or do I do it when I feel I have failed to make a necessary change?

As I shared my life's goal to be faithful, my colleague reminded me that surrender is a natural part of being faithful. If I hold onto another's burdens, then I am not really entrusting you with the problem. For whatever reason, I hold on to it, making it my responsibility, yet, for the most part I can do nothing apart from prayer. So my spiritual friend reminded me that surrender is once again the answer.

As I reflect back upon the crises I have faced in my own life, I see the way of surrender. It has only been when I truly surrendered something or someone into your hands that I was released of the burden, the pain, the sorrow and fear. Only when I could let go was I enabled to find freedom, to trust you, to enjoy the benefits of that trust.

I have been drawn several times to monastery life as a way of learning surrender. I have traveled to New Mexico, to the mountain to live the way of surrender. I have never been disappointed. I have met every Wednesday at a monastery for 20 years and practiced the way of surrender. On my renewal I went on a pilgrimage to meet the saints, both living and dead, and I daily lived the way of surrender.

As I awakened in the night with troubles swirling in my head, you came and whispered again. Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. I finally got it and as one trouble presented itself, I simply voiced the word surrender and it was gone. Another came and it too disappeared until all had dissipated and I fell asleep.

You are
the power.
The power
of release,
the power
of hope,
the power
of freedom,
the power
of trust.
Your power
opens my heart
and salves
my soul.
You are
the power
of my love.

Always, Andrea