Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Dear God,

Courage is raw trust in you. When I am afraid, when I am weak, I fall at your feet in prayer. I know I am not able to muster my self will to do something I need to do. Immobilized, paralysed with fear, I know to come to you. I know I must surrender myself into your hands. Not knowing what I will find, I sit in my own puddle waiting beside you. There I blurt out my fear, my sorrow, my hurt, my weakness, whatever it is that holds me back.

Yesterday I awakened with strength, with courage. The day before I had languished in so many emotions. I had acted, finally having to say what needed saying although my heart hurt much. By day's end I was so troubled, thinking too far into the future. At bedtime by phone someone offered me words of encouragement, urging me to rest and pray. And so I did.

And then I woke up yesterday morning, the series of events placed before me. I breathed in the air of courage, knowing that sometime during the night, I had experienced my own angel visitation. I followed the plan, feeling your strength.

This morning as I sat to write, I heard the chimes blowing in the wind. My Corinthian bells, the sweetness of the sound reminding me that my courage was not of my own making but rather my raw trust in you. I drew in a breath; I gave thanks.

Trusting you,
O Lord of Life,
is my soul's
great desire.
I know
I can expect
an ordinary life
when I follow
my own desires.
But when
I rest
at your feet
and lay down
my burden
I feel
an extraordinariness
come over me.
I know
your strength
is within me.
I have courage
made from
the substance
of heaven.
And I am glad.

Love, Andrea