Thursday, September 4, 2008

Dear God,

It is always a battle for my heart. Will my heart listen to heaven's plea? Will it surrender itself to the owner of the universe?

Daily the conflict begins. Shall I enter into union with you for the day or will I give in to my own will, my own desires, my feelings of disappointment, sorrow, loss, or hurt? Will I thrust myself into anger or resentment? At day's end who or what will have my heart?

The conflict began so long ago when I first gave my heart to you. A little child, it seemed so right. Baptism at seven seemed so right, washing away a young child's sin. In the front row pew seated with my little friends, one by one we stepped out of the aisle and moved to the dressing room, putting on the small white robe, taking the steps into the baptistry, saying yes, and then going under the water, rising up clean.

Anything or anyone claiming my heart battles for my life. How often do I struggle out of your arms and into my own will? How many times daily do I let myself move away from humility, obedience and service? When I forget or simply let go, I suddenly find myself in an all too familiar land of self service. When my trust in you falters, when I place myself in charge with all my own wants and needs guiding me, I can lose sight of heaven and heaven's invitations. Soon, very soon, I see how I let go of that which is vital to my soul for something else, anything else.

This new day will dawn before long. Please make me your own once again.

I stand
at heaven's gate
knocking.
You will recognize
my knocking.
I am
a familiar soul
asking for
your guidance
and help.
I want nothing
to stand
between us.
I want
my heart
to always
be yours.
Elsewise,
how can
I ask
for heaven's gifts
if I can't even
give heaven
my heart?

Yours, Andrea