Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Dear God,

We were strangers, unknown to one another. Some have lived here a long time. Your call brought them to the monastic life. The rest of us heard the call to come, to linger just for a while.

The tolling of the bell called us to gather, to worship, to praise and adore, to sing the psalms, to pray and give thanks. We were strangers, unknown to one another until we bowed in adoration singing... “Praise the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, both now and forever. The God who is, who was, and is to come to the end of the ages.”

Suddenly we were one, a unity of spirits become one in Christ. Didn’t matter who we were, what our backgrounds were, our economic status, our conditions in life or even our understanding of God; we were different to be sure, but we were the same…seekers, pilgrims in the journey of faith.

I sat in the darkness, one lone light shining way up front in the long, narrow rectangular sanctuary. My eyes were drawn to the light, like a firefly. “O God, O God, O God…” the only words coming to mind, then lifted up, “O God, O God, O God.”

My wounded heart found respite in my words of love for you, Wondrous Creator. As I sat before you, I knew the truth of my own life. I saw my life’s journey. Those moments you felt so close and other times so far away. I saw my wanderings away, trusting in my own strength and will rather than in yours. And the sweet mercy when I returned to find you waiting.

The daily schedule of worship beginning at 3:15 a.m. gives opportunity to draw close, closer and closer. To focus on you, to remember your promise of presence at all times, strengthens my inner self and spirit. Even the wounds of my soul find solace in the warmth of your loving grace. In the quiet silence between spoken and sung worship, I drink in the holiness of faith. I know the Beloved here at the Abbey of Gethsemani.

My life is changing. And I want to embrace the change, allowing for the joy of transformation. In some parts of my life I cannot stop the change. I must embrace it. In other ways I am reaching out for the changes you have placed before me. These are in some ways more difficult than those I cannot change. These hurt more; yet, I find comfort in your loving presence who has taught me that trust will always guide my way, leading me to greater trust which always leads to hope. And hope, as the scripture tells, never disappoints.

I believe
I am where
I am
supposed to be.
It may not
be the place
where I want
to be,
but it is
the place
where I
need to be.
You, O God,
have brought me
to this place
in my life.
You are
showing me
the way home;
for home is
always where
you call us
to be.
Home is
the lodging place
of divine love.
Home is
the return
to you.
Home is
the residence
of compassion
and mercy,
the place
where trust leads.
I am home
when I am
with you.
O, dearest God,
all my faults,
failures, flaws,
and imperfections
show on me.
And I
bow my head
in shame
for my attitudes,
behaviors, and actions.
So often,
I fail, Lord,
I fail
to follow you,
to be obedient
and loving.
Surely,
my following you,
my obedience
would not have
lead me
down paths
of heartache.
My disobedience
has brought me
to you.
Divine love
has returned me
to you.
These who were strangers
know the
same truth.
We find ourselves
at the seat
of mercy.
Accept my devotion,
O Lord,
and my prayer
of thanksgiving.

Love, Andrea