Saturday, February 28, 2009

Dearest God,

Living into a new possibility brings not only hope but a certain amount of enthusiasm. Learning to let go of something in order for the new possibility to surface is a challenge for me. I hold on for a long time, a very long time. I do not let go easily, no matter what area of my life is affected.

Only after I let go can I look back and see how tenaciously I was holding on. I can rattle off the times in my life when I held on to something: people, a home, an idea, a loss, etc. Saying goodbye to something or someone is very difficult for me.

At the same time there have been situations and people that I have clung to even when there was no hope left, when there was not a single sign that change was forthcoming. I did that with my daughter, gone from our relationship for 13 years. I held on to the idea of her return with a death grip. I refused to let go. I could not release my love for her no matter the torment and anguish. And my holding on in this situation paid off; she did one day return.

And so I am left with trust. I need to trust you to guide me when I need to hold on and when I am to let go. Emotionally I am not always the best judge. The more important, the greater the value of the person, place or thing the more persistent I am in holding on, actually for dear life. The more I am able to see through your lens, the better I am able to follow your lead.

The more I realize your presence is always with me, the more I am able to trust, to follow, to be obedient. The more I trust, the greater my faith.

O God,
the more
I trust,
the more
I am enabled
to follow you,
to learn
from you,
to listen
to you.
You are
my Creator
and the creator
of all
that is.
My well being
is always
a concern
for you
just as
every living thing is.
When I
am able
to acknowledge you,
I discover
the great
Source of Life.
Teach me
to trust
more readily,
more ably,
more obediently.

You always have my love, Andrea