Thursday, February 19, 2009

Dearest God,

I felt the tentacles of despair reaching upward to encompass me as I awakened this morning. I felt nearly bound to my bed. But I forced myself to rise up, to get the Holy Ground CD. I put the ear phones on and I lay there listening to your voice in music. I felt a soothing in my soul. When the music ended, I heard, "Get up and wear purple today."

The spiritual exercise got me going again. I trusted in your voice, got the music, played it, arose out of bed and after my shower, I put on my favorite purple outfit. Purple has always reminded me of you. For me purple is a divine color, reminding me of your presence. I carried that presence with me all day. I felt a quiet strength.

I remember a counselor once telling me that a person should carefully choose their clothing during a time of depression. Wearing drab, dark, dull colors can deepen one's despair. But wearing bright, cheery clothing can help enhance emotional health. Sounds simple. It is simple. I've used that tactic on several occasions.

This holy listening when I found myself sad and despairing helped me enormously as I acted out of faith and trusted you to guide my day. I needed it as I am in the middle of two families grieving the cancer battles of their young family members. One has already died. The other will not last long.

So helpful was my morning exercise that I was strengthed to spend two hours with the family whose young wife and mother still labors with cancer. Although she is not a member of my church she asked me to plan and do her service. While in the midst of dying we talked about the new life we will celebrate following her death. I looked at my purple and felt your loving presence guiding and helping me.

The more
I trust you,
the more
I am able
to trust you.
My own darkness
at times
threatens to
overtake me.
Yet,
your light
breaks in
like the sun
does sometimes
parting the
dark gray-green,
ominous storm clouds.
I feel
an easing
in my soul.
Your comfort
and warmth
puts strength
in my bones,
my muscles,
tendons and ligaments.
What felt heavy before
lightens my burden
and I am
enabled to
move again.
O God,
Precious Lord,
Redeemer and Friend,
what joy
fills my soul
as I trust
in you.

Love, Andrea