Thursday, April 2, 2009

Dearest God,

When in the midst of heavy fog, I pray for the veil to be lifted. When I receive the answer to my prayer, I have no choice but to see what is visible.

How often I have prayed for clarity, for a vision, wanting to see my life more clearly. When I walked around muddled, confused, questioning my ability to make good decisions, to live in hope, to raise my head to the heavens, I was so unclear where I was headed. Often feeling like I was walking in the same emotional circles, I simply couldn't break free of my position. I knew the ruts so very well.

But clarity takes me down another path. It reveals my path, its twists and turns, its dangers and safety. Clarity illumines the way providing light in the dark places. Clarity challenges me to make a decision, to take steps toward the future. It unsettles me, pushing me toward a resolution. Clarity is your way of saying, "You got what you asked for. Now, when are you going to do it?"

As I shared the vision with my covenant group, I learned what I looked like when my "dark" side reigned. I was cold and stony, one said. During that very long, very long, deep, dark journey I retreated inside, hiding away, protecting my heart, soul and mind. Frightened by the prospect of death, despair and depression, I fell at your feet. Where else could I go?

One said that my eyes were dark, like I was lost. While I tried to maintain a semblance of order in my life, my spiritual colleagues could see through me. They knew the truth, not only by my words, but by my countenance. They prayed for my well being.

But I have stepped into the light. However painful it may be, I have emerged from the deep.

Holy Spirit
Guiding Your People,
I have enjoyed
the darkness
because in the dark
I was hidden.
I did not have
to come out
to see
the light
of day.
But your truth
did not
settle well
in my soul.
It gnawed
at me,
that gentle,
prized spiritual gnawing
that comes
only from
your hand.
As restless
as I was,
I remained
in the dark
for a long time.
You never
gave up
on me.
And one day
I followed
you out,
taking my truth
with me.
I learned
once again
that your will
is always better
than my own.
Thank you
for your gracious light.

Love, Andrea