Friday, June 19, 2009

Dearest God,

What I wanted, needed, held on for did not come. The last vestige of hope died. I sobbed and left. My insides heaved as my soul said goodbye.

I put my trust in you, dear God. I gave in to the impulse to trust you completely, to let flow what would come or not. I took your hand, stayed close, listened to your voice. I had hoped for something more. I got something more but not what I hoped for. The death of my dream.

I hold on long past the normal time. I fantasize and dream in my own mind those things I want so deeply, so desperately. I let my heart play games inside me thinking that things will ultimately change. And when they don't I wait longer. I try harder. I give more.

But tonight I realized it was truly over.

Love entangles us,
dear God.
The love
for a spouse,
a child,
a friend
is meant
to entwine us
with another.
Once entwined
with another
it's painful
to see
the branches
wither and die.
Once completely entwined,
now dying
its own death.
My sorrow
is full.

Love, Andrea