Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Dear God,

I got sicker and sicker until I went to the hospital. In the emergency room they quickly worked to make sure my heart was okay. My endocrine system went haywire again dropping one level and raising two others. Weak, so weak I couldn't hold up my head.

These spells are frightening, Lord. I can't do anything but go to the hospital. I can't stop them, no pill or exercise can alter my situation. I feel helpless.

Hours later I returned home to rest. A week or two, it takes a week or two to recover.

Such moments teach me to be prepared to die. The doctor says that a spell could take my life if I don't get help. I have had several brushes where I felt my systems shutting down but they stopped short enabling me to continue on. Weak, exhausted and unable to do anything but rest, I have to rely on my ability to be patient, to let others help me when necessary. I have to give in to my limitations until my strength returns. I have to increase my trust in you to help me.

O God,
rescuer and savior,
I rest
in your care.
I learn
that I
never have
the final word.
You determine
my life,
my days
on this earth.
You whisper
hope and love
to me
when I
am afraid.
Whatever calm
enters my soul
comes from heaven.
I trust
in you.

Love, Andrea